Bearholk A 3-foot wide mass of knotty fur sporting a multitude of wet, goopy eyeballs atop four nasty bug-legs tall enough to bring it up to eye-level, so you just cant look over the thing and pretend its not the grossest thing ever as you throw a Molotov at it. Hanging from under its hair and eyeballs is a jawless mouth that contorts and flops around like a black leathery tentacle. Its bite is harmless, but once the mouth touches something edible it begins to pour out approximately a bucket-full of nasty smelling digestive fluids. While not acidic enough to cause any permanent damage under normal circumstances, Bearholks do hunt in packs of about 4 to 12 and approximately 3 could overwhelm an Adventurer and drown him in bugpuke. Also comes in Polar, Grizzly, and Circus varieties. Froggum A race of exceedingly annoying frog men that nest in three to six foot deep holes that they dig wherever they damn well please. When possible, they will steal garden hoses and use them to fill their... [check it out]

<spoonshiro> i finished my chrono cross nutshell <vinic> awesome. <vinic> you should be able to post it this week. ¶ -Evening of Saturday, January 2, 2010 [check it out]

I tried writing a full review for this game FOUR times, people. Four times. And I couldn't because every time I tried I would go "fuck this I just wanna play the fucking thing". So here's a quickhit. ¶ You just moved in and the graveyard across the street is constantly pouring zombies into your lawn that want to eat your brains. Plant special anti-zombie plants in your lawn to blow their heads off. It's tower defense where your success relies more on the strategy and placement of your towers (plants i guess) rather than how many you can plunk down to make a gigantic maze. with fifty campaign mode levels, two minigames with ten levels each (including endless modes for both), and two difficulty levels of survival mode for each of the game's five areas means you get a whole lotta game for ten bucks. [check it out]

GORT?? [check it out]

The boss was supposed to be out that day, canvasing a murder scene with Mahouney. Our intel was off, our cover almost blown, and I said the first thing that came to my mind: "Hey Boss, uh, Syd's just checking forensics on our material witness. Very carefully." Needless to say, it was this incident which prompted us to become freelance detectives. No hard feelings though, now we can take turns having sex with girls on comfortable things like a couch and another woman instead of on beakers and... [check it out]

I'll be one of the few to admit that Ocarina of Time disappointed me; the "biggest, baddest Zelda yet" somehow managed to omit the Zelda theme (replaced by some of the most annoying tunes ever), have a game world a third the size of Link to the Past's, almost did away completely with the non-linearity element, and it sticks you with the most annoying sidekick in gaming history. ¶ Majora's Mask fixed three of those, at least, and once you get past the annoying introductory stage it's actuall... [check it out]

While lacking in imagination, devoid of a single memorable character or scene and having less plot - and yet paradoxically more more plot holes - than Valkyrie Profile, at least it's better than Wolf's Rain. ¶ The setting is a devastated wasteland presumably near Japan, which apparently got leveled by a meteor. Instead of helping to rebuild, though, the government pretty much just closed the place off and let the surviving inhabitants fend for themselves. What a nice bunch of guys. ¶ U... [check it out]

duphart [check it out]

Pee [check it out]

DEFAULT VIDEO LOADED: IT'S TERRORISM, I TELL YOU. [check it out]

Because people are always inventing clever new ways to piss on a game because of its "inferior" graphics while continuing to assert that graphics don't matter to shut up their critics. ¶ Polish ¶ "It's so well POLISHED!" is something I hear way too much. I honestly don't have a clue what it means, since they never bother to back it up with an example, so I can only assume it refers to the polish on the game's chrome effects and shiny surfaces. Way to be shallow. ¶ Unpolished &pa... [check it out]

I have never played an SMT game in my life. Either way, I was getting bored so I needed a new MMO to waste my life away on, and I found that my friend was playing an SMT MMO. Named "Shin Megami Tensei Online Imagine," which is a really long fucking name, I decided to try it. holy shit. ¶ The game wasn't made by Koreans, which was a major plus to me. I was excited to download the thing and start clicking away at shit, which I was taught to do by Koreans. However, I learned that GAMES MADE B... [check it out]

A tale I would like to share with you all, sparked by a random Googling of my old screen name turning up an old fan's web site. I've decided to refrain from mentioning any names, as our site tends to rank high on Google searches. Plus, being from Gamefaqs, I fear that drawing the idiots of the erivrjrengv* here would make us all stupider by proxy. This is also the reason why I've ROT13'd their little group's name. ¶ *Yes, they actually called themselves that. How prententious can you ge... [check it out]

Puzzle Quest was perhaps best known for integrating RPG elements into the puzzle game "Bejeweled", and actually doing a pretty good job of it; the game had spells, followers, equipment, and even a "citadel" that allowed for new items to be created and new spells to be learned, among other things. ¶ Galactrix takes the same basic idea and transplants it into a space setting; spells are replaced with psionics and technology and you get spaceships with shield and hull points to wage battles wi... [check it out]

Yeah, we're actually doing a good game this time! Holy shit! ¶ Rolf: Hi I'm Rolf, I work for the Motavian government, which is pretty much just a formality since everybody works for Mother Brain. Governor: Rolf, there are monsters everywhere and the weather has stopped working! Find out why this is happening, we can't go on much longer like this. Nei: I'm coming too. Oh Hi, I'm Nei. I'm apparently a hybrid of a human and a monster. Rolf: That and you kept blocking the door until I agreed... [check it out]

Take seriously at your own peril. ¶ Tidus: Hi, I'm the hero. I'm also a star player in the really boring sport of Blitzball. Clearly nothing can go wrong as I knock a throw a metal ball around a big glass sphere in yet another noninteractive FMV movie ¶ Godzilla Sin shows up and starts wreaking havoc on Tokyo Zanarkand. ¶ Tidus: What a shocking and unexpected turn of events! Auron: Here have a sword. Let's kill a few guys. ¶ They do just that, eventually Auron gets bored an... [check it out]

Not to be taken seriously. OR IS IT? ¶ Squall: Hi, I'm the protagonist, even though I'm a completely unlikable emo asshole who hates everyone. Also my weapon of choice is probably the stupidest thing ever put into a video game. Seifer: I'm an unlikable loud asshole who hates everyone, let's fight for no reason! ¶ They do so and end up with scarred faces, which are apparently supposed to make them look cool or something. A few pointless cinemas play to the tune of elevator music and... [check it out]

Or: The game Xbox owners desperately tried to convince themselves was quality because there weren't any other RPGs released on the thing. ¶ The setting is some shithole town in the middle of the woods, which quickly gets burned to the ground and everyone within murdered except for the hero. Lucky for him, some serious-looking dude* teleports him to safety and enrolls him in a generic hero academy. ¶ * That's a lie; he looks like Ganondorf's wimpy cousin. ¶ Headmaster: There, now y... [check it out]

At first I'd thought that Square's talent had left the company to form Mistwalker, which would account for the general awfulness of their recent games. I see now that I was mistaken. ¶ The scene is a battlefield, where a lot of people are fighting and machines are throwing around big metal battering rams. This means absolutely nothing to the player as no setting, plot or characters are yet established. Cut to one guy recreating a scene from a bad kung fu movie; he is effortlessly taking out... [check it out]

DEFAULT VIDEO LOADED: ¶ THIRD WORLD WORK. [check it out]

I felt compelled to make this after thinking about the pile of lowest-common-denominator pandering crap that Family Guy has become. I must say, I come up with some pretty awesome shit while running on 3 hours of sleep and working a 9 hour shift. ¶ So yeah, basic Bingo rules here: If you can match up five in a row horizontally, vertically or diagonally, you win! Hell, see if you can go for a blackout; I know from experience that it's possible with some episodes. ¶ And if you're thinki... [check it out]