Dungeons, caverns and ruins you have read about so far, dear adventurer, for the most part have gained their names from something totally unrelated to what you should actually expect when you get there. This, however, is Butt Swamp. That's all we're going to say about that, other than paying a visit to Bulge Castle may be a good idea before taking on any quest you have within. The "ruins" part comes from the popular theory that Butt Swamp might have actually at one point not been deserving of the name Butt Swamp, and was actually a fairly plain and standard swamp with standard swamp wildlife.

Rest assured, the wildlife is still there, dear adventurer. Only they've changed and evolved to cope with living in a place named Butt Swamp. For example the alligators you will find have much smoother skin than your normal gator, and they have a familiar brown shade to them. Some will even have yellow specks. The mosquitos, instead of sucking your blood, will actually inject you with the swamp's water in a vain attempt to get rid of it all. The rats are just friggin' huge, I mean, look the hell out for them.

Scattered throughout the swamp are various airlock chambers that will be vital in your attempt to travel through the disgusting, murky waters. Remember when entering the swamp to ask the attendant at the toll booth if any airlock chambers need new air compressor pumps, filters, or other various parts to keep them running. If so, he will give you a package with a number on it corresponding to the airlock in need of repairs, and detailed instructions on how to repair the chamber. Trust us, dear adventurer, even if you're not good with repairs, you will be really damn quick.

You may be asking yourself, "What kind of idiot would ever go to Butt Swamp?" and the answer is of course YOU, dear adventurer. For various unfortunate reasons, Butt Swamp is the only route between New North Olovania and the Republic of the St. Louis Blues that isn't a 100 percent chance of dying in very gruesome ways. Once you arrive on the other side of the swamp, you will be required to stay for 2 weeks in a quarantine shack, naked, shaved, and hosed off twice a day to remove all the skin cells that may have had the poor fortune to soak up whatever the hell's wrong with that goddamned swamp. Ugghh.

 

 

- Chuck the Plant
It has come to our attention that many unfortunate souls have stumbled upon this story while searching for One Piece fan fiction (or One Piece hentai). All we can say is that we apologize for assaulting your eyes with this abomination.

As for those who came here searching for this specific story, all we can ask is "what the fuck is wrong with you"?

But, here at last, we've come upon the final chapter. Just as all good things must come to an end, so too must all things that transcend time, space and genre in their quest for unbridled shittiness.



The Shit Piece experience in a nutshell.

- Spoony Spoonicus
Here it is, the final chapter. And holy shit is it long. But stick with it valiant Lardpirates, the finish line is in sight!

No, really. See, it's that blue banner across the sea of boiling shit there. Look!

- Avatar
I'm coming at this one straight and ugly.

- Miles Edgeworth
Alcohol fridge fully stocked.

- Commander Ladd
Hopped up on enough performance enhancers to tear a cow's head right off.

- Sturm
Repulsors primed and ready for action.

- Simon
It's the FINAL BATTLE!

Disclaimer: I do not own One Piece.


Chapter 19: The Greatest Mystery of Them ALL

- Azul Rojo
How did this fanfic grow this big?

- Spoony Spoonicus
I can only blame a high dose of radiation. It never makes things smaller or nicer.

- clobberpuppy
How many licks does it take to get to the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Pop?

- Spoony Spoonicus
69,105.

- Avatar
Just how long can SorceryGeniusLina make a fool of herself?

- Spoony Spoonicus
For that, I have no answer. Considering that the Internet will very likely outlive all of us, and given the huge number of web page archival sites and backup servers out there, the answer is potentially infinite.

Luffy wanted to be alone for a while. He didn’t know why or understand why Wrath let him just leave but he was glad for it. He couldn’t face her right now, well, either of the girls that had come into his life and had come to mean something to him...Vivi...but most of all Nami...


Nami...


What was Wrath really planning to do? And what would Nami’s role be? He had to do something to stop whatever it was that Wrath was planning to do.

- Megido
Superfluous sentences one and all.

If he hurt a single hair on Nami’s head that bastard would pay!

- Miles Edgeworth
Yes, we know. You repeat it every single chance you get, like a kid who just learned a new curse word.

Luffy thought to himself. But in all reality he was powerless to do anything about it. There was something about Wrath that made him untouchable to Luffy. What was it though?


Luffy was walking down a semi-deserted passage way when he heard the sound of approaching footsteps. Was he being pursued? Had his presence been missed? Luffy pressed himself up against the cold stone wall and held his breath. Maybe he should try and get to the others, and maybe together, they could all defeat Wrath and save Nami from Wrath’s evil clutches.

- Avatar
This whole chapter is reading like a list of overused sentences from pop-up books.

Luffy was almost positive Wrath had used some kind of brainwashing technique on Nami to make her act the way she was.


That couldn’t be the real Nami right?

- Azul Rojo
That's right! The real Nami isn't an emo wuss. None of the characters in here are the real ones; they're butchered clones.

Luffy’s mind was full of questions and somewhat distracted so he didn’t notice one of Wrath’s minions until he was right in front of him.


‘Damn!’ Luffy thought giving a bashful grin to the dark-robed guard.


But to Luffy’s surprise the guard seemed more nervous than he was. “I’m glad I found you...” He was saying suddenly. “The trap has been set for the vermin just as you requested. It will only be a matter of time before the pests are eliminated.”


“Trap?” Luffy questioned aloud in confusion.


“The trap for the intruders...the Straw Hat Pirates.” The guard explained, beads of sweat were forming on his brow.


Luffy’s eyes widened. A trap had been set for his nakama?! “Explain yourself, why has a trap been set for my friends?!” Luffy ejaculated grabbing the guard’s shirt front and pulling him up to him so that they were nose to nose.

- Alys Brangwin
Ugh, that was the WORST word you could have possibly chosen.

- Azul Rojo
What? There's going to be some yaoi lemons now? Oh, nevermind. Just terrible wording, again.

“Uh...well...you see.” The guard stuttered as he trembled in fear. “It’s what you wanted isn’t it?! You said you wanted them dead! My lord we were only following your orders I’m afraid...we can’t stop it!”


Luffy’s eyes narrowed as he tried to make sense of what he had just heard. And then he realized the guard had just called him ‘My lord.’ “What did you just call me?” Luffy’s voice was shaking.


“I don’t understand what you mean, My Lord.” The guard continued to tremble.


“I mean that ‘My Lord’. Why do you call me that?!” Luffy shook the guard.


“My Lord Wrath-” The guard was startled as Luffy suddenly let go of his shirt. The guard took this opportunity to slump to the floor.


Luffy’s mind was spinning. Wrath...why had this guard just called him Wrath?! Why?

- Commander Ladd
Like it's not painfully obvious by now.

He couldn’t understand it and yet in the depths of his subconscious Luffy knew he knew something...


“Argh!!!” Luffy grasped his head in pain. Something...was fighting within him. Something that didn’t want him to know the truth. “What’s wrong with me? Damn it you! I’m not Wrath so why the hell did you just call me that?!”


“Uh...but you are Captain Wrath, sir.” The guard said without a trace of doubt in his voice.


“And what would make you say that?” Luffy demanded.


“It was you...who gave me the order personally sir, to set the trap and dispose of the Straw Hat Pirates.” The guard explained.


“I gave? Impossible! I’ve never even seen you before...if this is your idea of some sort of sick joke...dammit Wrath! This must be his doing. He’s trying to set me up to take the blame for the destruction of the world!”

- Alys Brangwin
Who's going to be left to blame you if that's the case?

Luffy grasped the front of the shirt of the guard again and brought him roughly to his feet. “Where are my friends.”

ooo


The stairs seemed to go down forever into the earth. It was obvious these stairs hadn’t been stepped on for years...a thin layer of slim covered each step making their decent precarious.

- Azul Rojo
Slim? Slim what? Slim Jim? Oh, did you mean SLIME?!

Shanks was leading the group a torch upraised in his hand, followed by Ace. Tashigi was next followed by Zoro. The others were coming down behind them. Tashigi’s glasses were fogging over it was so damp and humid in this underground stairway. She keep having to take her glasses off and wipe off the thin layer of fog that had formed on them.

- Azul Rojo
Keep? I think you meant KEPT. Nineteen chapters, and not one of them was proofread. I'm really sure of that now.

It was during her third time that as she looked down to see where her next step was she missed it...


“Ahh!” Tashigi squeaked as she fell forward. She closed her eyes preparing to find herself flying into Ace and then Shanks causing them to all go flying down the stairwell. But then she felt someone grasp her arm fiercely from behind. She was spun around and found herself being pulled into the arms of someone warm...


When Tashigi collected herself she found herself staring back up at Zoro’s expressionless face. “Zoro...”


“Don’t get the wrong idea...I was just looking out for the others.” Zoro explained as he released her. He had wanted to hold on to her a bit longer but was unnerved that he felt that way. He looked back at her face...that face that without her glasses so much resembled her...his Kuina. Zoro shook his head. Kuina was dead. But he couldn’t help but wonder...


A slight blush tinged Tashigi’s cheeks. “Of course” Tashigi agreed with a nod.

- Avatar
The most touching scene since that one in Star Wars where Anakin compares Padme to sand.

- SHITTLE
WHEN WILL PEOPLE REALIZE STAR WARS IS LAME AND WATCH SOMETHING THAT DOESN'T SUCK?

Melody looked at their exchange and her heart clenched. ‘So his heart already belongs to another...

- Spoony Spoonicus
Maybe, but it ain't her.

my love did we once look the way they did? Did we once have hope for a future together before...my sister came between us? I wonder what is to become of them?’


Finally they had made it to the bottom of the staircase and were now in a giant hallway.


“At the end of this hallway should be the entrance to the temple.” Raiden informed them.


“Right, let’s go then.” Shanks said with a nod. The Straw Hat pirates had just about made it half way through the long hall way when suddenly the ground beneath their feet began to tremble.


“What is it?” Chopper asked in a small voice.

- Azul Rojo
...BLOOD. Oh, wait. This isn't a Resident Evil shitfic.

- Miles Edgeworth
There was more than enough blood to go around in the earlier chapters.

“Is it an earthquake?” Tashigi breathed.


“Earthquake? Why now all of a sudden?” Zoro sounded frustrated at the prospect.


“It might not be what we think.” Ace murmured ominously. “I have a bad feeling about this.”


“Stay sharp, let’s continue,” Shanks ordered taking a step forward when suddenly a large chunk of the ceiling came crashing down.


“Look out!” Tashigi cried as she unsheathed her sword and prepared to cut the rock in two.

- Commander Ladd
Something which she's shown no evidence of being capable of.

“GET OUT OF THE WAY!” Came Zoro’s frantic voice as he pushed past Tashigi and stood underneath the falling chunk of ceiling. Unsheathing his three swords simultaneously he cried, “Demon Slash!” Steel met with rock and shards of rock were sent flying into the air.


Tashigi sighed in relief as she sheathed her sword. Although she was a little miffed that Zoro had stepped in and stopped her from using her own skills with the sword, she couldn’t help but wonder why he had done that...

- Miles Edgeworth
Regained his respect for women. Don't worry, it'll be gone again in a minute.


“We’re not home free yet.” Zoro said looking up at the ceiling. “Run.”


“What?” Tashigi asked in disbelief.


“Run! The whole ceiling is caving in!” Zoro said as he grabbed Tashigi’s hand and began to pull her forward along with him.


Melody’s eyes trailing behind them...

- clobberpuppy
"Dude, that's so gross! Haha! How do you do that?!"

The Straw Hat pirates all began to run as the ceiling began to collapse around them. They only had seconds to get to the end of the hallway and to the entrance to the Temple of Mother Nature before they would be killed, buried beneath a pile of rubble to never see the light of day again.


“It’s some sort of trap.” Ace said as he ran. “Just look the ceiling isn’t caving in, in a natural way. It’s coming down in large cubes. We’re supposed to be killed here.”


“Damn it!” Ussop cried. “I’m too young and beautiful to die.”

- Spoony Spoonicus
What the fuck? What is this, Alvin and the Chipmunks?

Suddenly the part of the ceiling in front of them began to come down in cubes too fast for them to run past in time. The cubes gathered until there was a wall in front of them.


“Dang, we can’t get through.” Zoro said looking at the wall.

- Dudley
Finally, someone has effectively described what its like to play Tetris against a Japanese dude. This whole scene. With falling blocks and you underneath them desperately trying to survive.

“Are we going to die?”

- Azul Rojo
Probably not. But I think some of my brain cells did.

Tashigi questioned softly. She looked back at Zoro and their eyes met. Through that look many unspoken agreements were made...they had a lot of talking to do if they made it through this alive.

- Spoony Spoonicus
I have a lot of partying to do if I survive this story.

ooo


“Kuuusssoooo!!!” Luffy cried as he sprinted down the hallway.

- Spoony Spoonicus
Oh for fuck's sake, just say "shit". You've done it dozens of times already.

He just had to get to his friends in time before...Luffy shook his head. No! He would not allow his friends to die. Especially if he was in fact responsible for...but that would be insane! Luffy wasn’t crazy...was he?!

- Sturm
No, not at all. Not even the slightest bit. You are a pillar of sanity.

Luffy shook his head and continued to run.


He could feel the ground trembling beneath his feet. Had it already started?! He turned and found himself in the main hallway that lead to the entrance of the Temple of Mother Nature. This was the hall they would have to use to get there, it was the only way. Luffy picked up his pace and made his way down the hall until he met with a dead end.

- Commander Ladd
So much for that train of logic.


“What the?” Luffy said as he looked at the wall before him in a stupor. “This wall isn’t supposed to be here...”


“AHHHHHHHHH.” Suddenly the sound of screams could be heard.


Luffy’s eyes widened as he recognized those voices - his nakama were in trouble! And they were just on the other side of this wall. They must have been trapped on the other side on purpose. Somehow he had to get through to them.


“Gomu Gomu no Gatling gun!!!” Luffy cried as he unleashed a series of punches at the stone wall in front of him. As his punches hit the thick stone wall little damage was made, only small round indents. “Kussooo! I need to get through to them no matter what! Gomu Gomu no Gatling Gun!” Luffy unleashed his series of punches again and again. Soon the stone wall was clipping away bit by bit...as his fists were becoming bloodied by the effort to break through the grossly thick stone barricade.

- Commander Ladd
Never mind that he can blast through 50 feet of bedrock with one furious punch.

- Spoony Spoonicus
And if Zoro can carve an entire building into neat slices and cleave through something as durable as Mihawk's sword any time he wants, a stone barrier should be no problem.

Zoro has his arms wrapped around Tashigi as he tried to shield her body from the pieces of stone that were falling around them.

- clobberpuppy
Don't move... the blocks can't see us if we don't move!

The others were running around in a panic trying to avoid the randomly falling pieces.

- Avatar
"Hey asshole, how about helping us get this damn barrier out of the way? We're too weak and/or stupid to do it ourselves."

“You know...up until ten years ago I’ve had amnesia...” Tashigi suddenly found herself confiding to Zoro.

- Miles Edgeworth
That sentence is so malformed I can't tell if she HAS it or if she HAD it.

- Sturm
At least Tashigi's requisite mental problem isn't full-on retardation like the rest of the cast.

- Dudley
I shouted "FUCK YOU!" out loud at this line.

“I can’t remember my own childhood...my friends...who my family was...and for some reason I feel like I’ve been missing something very important...but when you’re near me it feels like I’ve gotten that part of myself back.”


Zoro’s eyes widened as he listened to what she was saying. Could there be even the remotest possibility that the woman he now held in his arms was in fact Kuina?

- Sturm
If I'm not mistaken, dear author just committed one of the big taboos of One Piece fandom.

The very same Kuina whom he had made his childhood promise on her grave that he would become the strongest swordsman in the world, carrying on her own dream through him. The very same Kuina whom he had had his first crush on. The very same Kuina who was his first love...

- Commander Ladd
Saw this one coming a hemisphere away.

- Spoony Spoonicus
What kind of ridiculous crap is this?

A) Kuina is dead and has been for eight years.
B) Tashigi only knew of Zoro through his reputation as a Pirate Hunter, and doesn't recognize him when they first meet.
C) Tashigi, while competent with a sword, is nowhere near Zoro's level (and is easily defeated during their brief scuffle). On the other hand, Zoro never ONCE defeated Kuina despite challenging her 2001 times.


Suddenly Zoro heard it. That sound...that familiar sound. Could it be!?

- Commander Ladd
It was. It was one of our brains blowing a fuse at the sheer stupidity of this fanfic!

“Luffy!” Zoro suddenly cried as he released Tashigi and spun around to face the stone wall. He placed a hand upon it and there he felt it - vibrations.

- Joseph Joestar
Good vibrations?

Someone was trying to get through the wall and he knew of only one person who was reckless enough to try something so stupid. “Luffy you bastard!” Zoro said fondly. “Tashigi stand back.”


“What are you going to do?” Tashigi asked in surprise.

- Avatar
Something you should have been doing this entire time?

“We’re going to get out the hell out of here that’s what.” Zoro smirked at her causing Tashigi to fidget nervously. Zoro turned his attention back to the wall. “Here goes nothing! Demon Slash!” Zoro’s three swords were out of their sheaths and flashing in the torchlight. As one of the swords gleamed Tashigi found she couldn’t take her eyes off of it...that sword that marvelous magnificent

- clobberpuppy
Mad Madam Mim!

- Spoony Spoonicus
Well, that's obscure.

sword....


ooo


Luffy fists as they connected with the stone wall could feel that on the other side something was also trying to make a dent in the wall. He smirked. He knew his nakama would catch on quick, after all they were always a lot quicker than he had ever been.


ooo


“Come on everyone we have to help him!” Shanks ordered. Shanks removed his own sword and began to hack away at the stone wall.

- Miles Edgeworth
Awfully nice of Wrath not to confiscate it while torturing you senseless.

Ace summoned his Fire Fire fruit powers and began hurling fireballs towards the places where Zoro’s and Shanks’ swords were aiming.


Soon the Straw Hat pirates were all joining in making the stone wall before them their common enemy that needed to be defeated. Summoning their own unique ,

- clobberpuppy
Their own unique blank!

using those powers together, as one, they fought together drawing upon each other’s strength.

- Spoony Spoonicus
By your powers combined, I am Captain Planet!


Just as the wall in front of them began to give way the ceiling above them had begun to come down. They only had a matter of seconds before they lost their chance at survival. As Zoro, Luffy, and the others each sent their own attacks at the wall finally a small opening was made.


“Go! Go! Go!” Zoro cried as he waved everyone past him.


Everyone was quickly running past through the small opening until it was down to Zoro, Tashigi and Melody.


“Ladies first,” Zoro smirked.


Melody was just about to go through the opening when she looked behind her to see that Tashigi wasn’t moving. “What is it?” Melody questioned.


“My foot it’s stuck.”

- Sturm
Yet you said nothing about it until RIGHT NOW.

Tashigi explained as she began to yank at her leg, her foot had gotten lodged between two fallen chunks of ceiling.


“Melody go on ahead, I’ll stay behind and help Tashigi.” Zoro told Melody.

- Megido
Because this wasn't already made clear from the sentence.

- Dudley
Zoro is the last person I'd want to help me get my foot unstuck. His solution to the problem is "chop the foot off."

“But-“ Melody was cut off.


“Go!” Zoro ordered as he unsheathed Kuina’s sword

- Spoony Spoonicus
You can at least take the time to look up its name if you're going to reference it so often.

It's Wad? Ichimonji, by the way.

and ran towards Tashigi. The ceiling was already beginning to fall down right where they were.

Melody bit her lip and knew what she had to do.


“Demon Slash!” Zoro cried as his attack hit the stones around Tashigi’s foot and blasted them to bits. Zoro quickly grabbed Tashigi’s hand and was about to pull her along. “Let’s get out of here.” When he looked up. It was too late...the entire ceiling was coming down upon them and there was no way even with Zoro’s current skills that he could save them from the inevitable


“Song Song Wave!!!” Came the unexpected voice of Melody. She had her flute to her lips now and suddenly Zoro and Tashigi felt a rush of air when suddenly they were hit full force with a gale and sent flying through the small opening and to the other side.


Tashigi found herself on top of Zoro and blushed before quickly getting to her feet.

- Alys Brangwin
No immediate sex? At least someone in this story has some dignity.

- Miles Edgeworth
It's not going to last.

- Alys Brangwin
I know.

Her eyes then widened in shock, “Melody!!!” She cried as she looked back to the small opening, but all she saw were the pieces of rock coming down until the hole was blocked off once more. Tashigi turned her head and upon seeing Zoro flew into his arms and buried her face in his chest as tears streamed down her face.


Melody had sacrificed her life to save them...

- Spoony Spoonicus
Forgive me if this doesn't redeem her character for murdering her family, killing countless MORE people just to keep her beauty, trying AGAIN to murder the straw hats to undo her first killing, and then forcing that disgusting Usopp/Chopper scene into my nightmares for years to come.


“Why? Why would she do that?” Tashigi looked up at Zoro, tears glittering in her eyes.

- Azul Rojo
*COUGH COUGH* MARY SUE *COUGH*

Zoro looked down at her, his eyes filled with emotion, “I think it’s because she wanted us to be together...” And without saying another word he lowered his face to her until their lips touched in a soft kiss.

- Spoony Spoonicus
Hooray, more forced romance!

- Azul Rojo
See? Mary Sue match-making wins again.

- Dio Brando
She'd best not be coming back a THIRD time.

- Miles Edgeworth
Don't jinx it.

As they kissed they could have sworn they heard the song of a flute playing, it was a sad song but it was also beautiful and filled with hope.

- Dudley
It was nearly impossible, but Melody's flute managed to jam itself in her ass when she was crushed to death, and as her body expelled all its waste as bodies often do when they die, it played this song.

ooo


Nami casually made her way into an inner chamber where she approached none other than the wardrobe. It had been moved from the Going Merry and brought here. Nami opened the two blackwood doors to reveal the mirror. There staring back at her was her reflection...

- Megido
Is this happening now, or is it a flashback?

The Nami inside the mirror looked haggard and worn, her eyes were red and puffy. When she saw that her other self had returned though a spark of defiance filled her eyes. She then began to bang her hands against the invisible barrier that separated the Nami in the mirror world from the one that was now outside it.


“Let me out of here!” Nami demanded. “You tricked me! I...I just wanted to be free and you...you’ve trapped me here!

- Sturm
What the hell did you expect to happen? Jesus.

What do you plan to do anyways?”


A smile formed on the red-painted lips of Nami.

- clobberpuppy
As she honked her tiny horn and rode a tricycle through a flaming hoop.

- Phoenix Wright
At least she's not telling bad jokes.

- Franziska von Karma
This story IS a bad joke.

“What I intend to do...is take over the world with Captain Wrath at my side.”


Nami’s eyes widened in shock. “Take over the world? Wrath?! What about Luffy?”


“Ah, yes, Luffy, there’s no need to worry about him.” Nami said knowingly.

- clobberpuppy
It's like one of those cartoons where they meet a two-headed dragon or ogre or something who constantly argues with itself, only it's even less funny!

Nami stared back at herself in disbelief. She could not believe what was happening. Even now she didn’t fully understand it but...apparently a part of the mirror had been alive...barely but nevertheless alive. All it needed to become fully alive was a willing soul or at least part of one to give itself up unto the evil spirit of the mirror and become one with it.

- Spoony Spoonicus
Why does ANY of this surprise you?

Now the being before Nami was a part of herself, the darkest part, and the evil spirit of the mirror united as one.


“Why are you here?” Nami questioned back taking in the odd clothing her other self had chosen to wear. Nami would never have worn something so provocative, so revealing...would she? Is that what her inner self desired? To be some sort of exhibitionist slut?

- Sturm
Judging from all the sex you've had at three different murder scenes - at least one in front of several witnesses - I'll say yes.

- Azul Rojo
No. It's what the shitfic author wants you to be. *Puke noises*

- Spoony Spoonicus
There has been no reason for anyone in history to ever be this angsty. You've beaten every last fucking atom of this dead horse into dust, give it a rest already.

The red-painted lips’ smile turned deadly.

- clobberpuppy
The French Kiss of Death delivered the kiss of death! Ness was poisoned!

“I’m here to tie up lose ends. I’m afraid my dear you have to go.” Suddenly Nami removed a dagger from her cleavage and held it up in her right hand preparing to bring it down upon the glass of the mirror and shatter it.

- Miles Edgeworth
Even in Bizarro World, everything is stored in one's cleavage.

- clobberpuppy
You'd think she'd store it in her--



- Alys Brangwin
NO.

- Loudass Frat Boy
more like hell yea, boy!!

“No...” Nami murmured as she realized what was happening. “No...No!!!” Luffy...

- Spoony Spoonicus
I'm supposed to be sympathetic here? You completely brought this on yourself when you decided to bring the mirror with you despite it NEARLY KILLING YOU AND YOUR ENTIRE CREW.

I know I've repeated that line a lot, but damn, doing something that moronic just... blows my mind.

ooo


A chill went down Luffy’s spine. “You ok Luffy?” Shanks said patting Luffy on the back perhaps a little harder than would have been necessary.


“Uh...yea it’s just I thought I heard someone call my name. Strange.” Luffy scratched the back of his neck.


“You’re just imagining things.” Shanks smirked at him.


“Just look at your hands, dimwit.” Zoro smirked at Luffy. “You’ve gone and overdid it again.”

- Alys Brangwin
Try "overdone".

Luffy looked down bashfully at his bloodied hands. “Yea well...I couldn’t just let you guys die. You are my nakama.” Luffy raised his head and smiled back at everyone.


“Damn straight!” Ussop cried. “I never doubted for a single moment that we wouldn’t come through that! That the miracle of friendship would prevail over overwhelming odds, odds so great and terrible that only the Great Captain Ussop could have stood before such danger and not so much as tremble in fear!”

- Sturm
He watches way too many Disney movies.

- Commander Ladd
Hell, he does just about ANYTHING other than act like Usopp actually would.

“Riiiight.” Zoro smiled. “And what was with all that running and screaming seconds before ‘Zoro save me! Save me!’.”


Ussop turned bright red. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”


Luffy looked back at Shanks and the lacerations on his chest and back. Another chill went down Luffy’s spine as he thought about how Shanks had gotten those wounds. He had probably been tortured by Wrath...the whip had probably come down hard.


A cracking sound filling the air...the cat-o-nine flying through the air looking like black snakes until as it hit across Shanks’ pale skin, a trail of red was left in its wake...

- Franziska von Karma
The cat-o-nine is the mark of an amateur! A simple bullwhip is all a true master requires for pain!

“Luffy...Luffy!!” Zoro’s voice broke Luffy out of his daze.


“Huh? What...” Luffy shook his head. Just what were those images only seconds ago that had filled his mind? They had been so real so...filled with familiarity. What could that mean? The images...suddenly took up all of Luffy’s mind. They were becoming clearer now...the cracking sound, the feel of the leather in the palms of his hands, the smell of fresh blood...

- Commander Ladd
Got all this the first time.

- Sturm
HE'S GODDAMN WRATH. WE KNEW THIS THREE CHAPTERS AGO. YOUR WRITING IS ABOUT AS SUBTLE AS A TACTICAL NUCLEAR DEVICE.

“Ahhhhh!!!” Luffy screamed. And tried to will the visions to leave his mind. What the hell is wrong with me...what’s happening to me? Luffy looked back at the shocked expressions on his friends’ faces. He couldn’t face them right now. He couldn’t stay here...he could put them in danger. Somehow Luffy knew this. “I’m sorry, minna.” Luffy said before breaking off into a run and leaving his nakama behind.


ooo


Nami smiled as she made her way back into the main chamber where the black obelisk stood in the center looking like some sort of black diamond.

- Spoony Spoonicus
For one thing, it's not the same Nami, so she'd never have been here. For another, that description doesn't even make any sense.

- Azul Rojo
And this fanfic stood in my vision looking like some sort of rotten shit. Stupid, unnecessary descriptions.

She could feel the blood in her veins tingling with untapped power. She had definitely chosen the right victim to use as a host. Now she would hold the secret power of Atlantis in her hands and become the most powerful woman in the world!

- Megido
As if this story needs another hackneyed, last-minute villain.

Suddenly Luffy entered the chamber and before him he saw her - Nami. At first he felt relieved, he had felt somehow that she might have been in danger. But that feeling was quickly replaced with a dark jealousy as he watched Wrath walk up to her and wrap his arm around her bringing her close.


“The time is upon us, my dear,” Wrath turned his masked face down to look upon the woman in his arms. “Are you ready to make our dreams come true.”


“Yes, my love.” Nami replied. “Together we shall gain the power of ages and rule the world.”


“Now, my pet,” Wrath was saying as he led Nami towards the black obelisk. “Offer yourself up onto the power of Atlantis and become one with it, its medium. You shall be mine afterwards to control...to command.”

- clobberpuppy
"With an offer like that, how can I refuse?!"

- Alys Brangwin
I suppose we shouldn't be surprised, since she seems to enjoy being used and abused by every man she meets.

“As you wish.” Nami said as she was drawn by an unseen force towards the obelisk. There was a hum...a calling drawing her forth. The obelisk seemed to be vibrating with a song only she could hear. Nami walked forward closer to the obelisk until she placed a hand on its silky black surface and then her hand passed through it. She then slowly began to step inside the obelisk...


Luffy watched in horror as Nami disappeared inside the black, crystalline obelisk.

- Megido
It's an obelisk. We get it.

He had a bad feeling about all this but once again he felt powerless to do anything about it. “Nami! Nami no!!” Luffy cried. But it was as if his cry fell on deaf ears.


Wrath was laughing now...a haunting laugh that was echoing throughout the chamber.

- SOUND FX
(Soda Popinski laugh)

The black crystal began to glow with a shimmering blue aura. Suddenly the ground began to tremble as well as the entire temple.


“Soon! Soon this temple will rise! And then the power...the power will be revealed!!!!” Wrath was saying.


“The power...the power...the power...”

- ERROR
ERROR. INFINITE SHIT LOOP DETECTED.

INITIATED ESCAPE PROCEDURE.

ESCAPE PROCEDURE STATUS: FAILED.

Came a soft shaky voice.

Luffy turned to see that it was Vivi. She was huddled in a corner of the chamber her arms wrapped around herself as she rocked back and force.

- Azul Rojo
Back and force? How the hell did the author miss that? Or maybe she thinks that's what "back and forth" is?

Luffy was at her side in an instant. “Vivi...vivi speak to me.”


“The power it mustn’t be allowed to be awoken...the end is near...everyone will die...I...Ahhhhh!!! I can see it! I can feel it! Everyone’s pain and suffering!” Vivi cried as she shook her head from side to side, both of her hands on either side of her head.


“Vivi what’s wrong with you?!” Luffy demanded thoroughly shaken at seeing Vivi this way. Usually she was the cool, calm, and collected model of a true princess but now...

- Spoony Spoonicus
Say what? Vivi was always the first one to freak out when something went wrong.

“I’ve kept a secret from everyone...” Vivi was saying. “Ever since I was little I’ve had the curse. The curse to see things I shouldn’t be seeing. Things...that haven’t happened yet. In my country it’s a curse punishable by death and so until now I haven’t told anyone about it but I can no longer ignore its messages to me.

- Miles Edgeworth
Oh lord, now Vivi has the Shining.

- Master Shake
Let's go!

- Miles Edgeworth
Where are we going?

- Master Shake
To EXPLOIT HER!

It told me too, that I would never gain your love. It showed me that the woman whom you are destined for is Nami...but even so I wanted to come between that love...

“I’m so sorry Luffy. How can you ever forgive me? I knew of the strong bond the two of you shared and yet I tried to come between you and now...the future has changed and it could be because of what I’ve done. I’ve separated the two of you and now...the future...the future is dark.

- Spoony Spoonicus
Way to go, hoebag!

You must save her...in order to save everyone...Luffy it’s our only hope.”


“Save her...Nami needs saving?” Luffy questioned. “How can I save her Vivi? Tell me how?!”


Vivi looked back up at Luffy, “Do you love her?”


Luffy was taken aback by the question. “Uh...what do you mean?”


“Do you love Nami Luffy?” Vivi persisted.


“Well I...I’m still not very sure what love really even is...but I...when I see her I get this funny feeling in the pit of my belly, it’s a happy feeling. And when she smiles, I feel like I could take on the entire world! Her smile...is brighter than the sun to me and I would do anything to protect that smile.

- Spoony Spoonicus
God, here we are repeating this same damn sentence AGAIN.

- Mayor Mike Haggar
Is this hell? It sure feels like it. Same torture day in and day out...

- Miles Edgeworth
I'm breaking out the straight vodka if this keeps up.

Oh who am I kidding, it's going to get far worse than this. Bottoms up.

“But when Nami is sad I feel like I could just die. I feel sad when she’s sad and I don’t really understand why. I just want to see Nami happy, always. When she’s sad it’s like a cold, rainy day. I wish her smile would just come back and make the clouds go away with its shine. And then there’s how she smells...like sun kissed oranges, covered in dew drops. She smells...delicious. Kinda like meat but better.

- Azul Rojo
Wow. Luffy has become quite the poet.

- Dudley
Well, this explains all the post-murder scrogging.

“When I don’t see her around...I miss her. I want to be with her. Sometimes I think what it would be like if Nami decided to leave...and water starts coming out of my eyes. I feel lost. Nami...she’s like my guiding star. I don’t know what I would do without her at my side. I would do anything to keep her with me, to keep her happy.

- Spoony Spoonicus
My teeth are grating into a fine dust reading this crap time and again while he does absolutely nothing to save her.

I would die for her if I had to. Is that love Vivi?”


Vivi smiled. “Yes, Luffy, that is love. Now...tell her you love her Luffy before it’s too late.” A single tear trickled down Vivi’s cheek as she turned her head away from Luffy.


“Vivi...I...” Luffy was saying.


“Just go Luffy! Go!!” Vivi screamed.


Luffy took one last look at his friend before running off towards the black obelisk and Wrath.

- Sturm
Awfully nice of the author to give Vivi an important role considering how much she seems to hate everyone but Nami.

I'm being generous with that assumption, by the way.

ooo


Something was wrong...terribly wrong...

- clobberpuppy
"It just doesn't END!"

Nami sunk to her knees. It felt like the energy was being sucked out of her from somewhere. She looked back at the invisible barrier which separated her from reality and sighed. She was grateful she had escaped with her life...that had been a close one. Her other self was about to finish her off and destroy the mirror when suddenly she had turned and left.

- Sturm
"I'm one second away from getting rid of you for good, but now I have to go."

- Spoony Spoonicus
Looks like some of Nami's stupidity has rubbed off on Evil Nami.

A close call indeed. But now...she felt like she was dying anyways. What the hell was happening? She could feel her energy leaving her...her body becoming weaker and weaker. Was this the result of her other half awakening the power of Atlantis? If that was so then that meant she could feel what her other self was feeling...and if that were so that meant that one affected the other...

- Megido
Do you have any evidence to back this theory up or is this all wild conjecture?

And if that was true then maybe just maybe she had a chance. Nami looked around her in the barren space. It mimicked the room just outside the invisible barrier looking exactly the same as the chamber...every detail was the same...even the dagger on the floor. A dagger? Where had that come from. Her other self must have dropped it during her rush to leave.


Nami ran over and picked it up. She then took a deep breath and plunged the dagger into her arm.

- Mayor Mike Haggar
Not surprisingly, this scene also looks very familiar.

- Goth Dudley
When life gives you lemons, kill yourself.

ooo


Meanwhile...
- SOUND FX



The Nami inside of the obelisk let out a piercing scream. That bitch...what the hell does she think she’s doing?!


“Nami!!!” Luffy cried in distress upon hearing Nami’s scream.


Wrath too also appeared concerned as his mirthful laughter had stopped.


ooo


Nami gritted her teeth against the pain as she stabbed her arm again and again. She would not let herself be a slave...to herself. She would overcome this. This pain was nothing...compared to what the world would feel if Wrath really did succeed in his wrapped plan to take it over. The power of Atlantis...could only be a bad thing as far as she was concerned.

- Megido
The power of ellipses... is serving no real purpose except to annoy the hell out of our collective.

She just had to stop all this somehow.


Suddenly, Nami noticed the barrier of glass in front of her shimmer...it was as if there was no barrier between her and reality.

- The Guardian
In the author's twisted little world, suicide is ALWAYS the answer.

- Spoony Spoonicus
I'd ask how mutliating herself somehow let her return to reality, but after reading eighteen chapters of nonsensical, disgusting bullshit I really don't care anymore.

Nami smiled. This was her chance! She quickly ran through the barrier and back into reality. As she came through the mirror she was suddenly hit with

- Dudley
A sheet of glass, because she's an idiot.

the feeling of being lost in a large ocean. Her mind reeled and then it was over. But the feeling still remained...


Something was still wrong but what? Nami looked down at her hands and gasped. They were slightly transparent. Nami took a deep breath trying to get a hold of herself and just as suddenly her hands appeared to be normal again. What could this mean? If she was real again why would she disappear unless...she wasn’t real at all.

- Spoony Spoonicus
Great, now we've wandered into Final Fantasy X. Can you please, just once, get an idea from something that doesn't suck?

Her other self now possessed her body so that meant Nami was nothing more than a soul fragment.


And a soul cannot survive in the real world without a body forever. It would not be long before Nami would just fade away. Nami shivered with this realization. She had limited time to do what she had to do. She had to find her other half try and stop her and get her body back before it was too late.

- Miles Edgeworth
Once again, magically equipped with any knowledge necessary to advance the plot. Not that I'm complaining; the faster we get out of here the better.

ooo


The ground was breaking...the once buried Temple of Mother Nature was just as Wrath had said rising once again to see the light of day. The ground above broke away as the temple rose, an unseen force willing this to be.


The obelisk continued to glow with the mysterious power that Nami was unleashing.


In a matter of moments the temple was once again above ground. Through the temple’s glass domes the sky could be seen over head. But the temple itself was changing...changing as it became engulfed in a blue light. The temple was becoming bigger more complex and the area around the obelisk was also changing.

- clobberpuppy
Transformers, Robots in Disguise!

- Sturm
This one's name is Suck-Bus.

The obelisk was now on a raised pillar of rock

- Dudley
This is generally what an obelisk is. So it's an obelisk on an obelisk.

that was raising higher and higher into the air. Pieces of rocks shot out from the sides of the pillar looking like spikes, these two were glowing with the strange energy. Wrath had managed to stay next to the obelisk and so he to was being raised above the ground.


Luffy had not been so lucky and had been left behind.

He watched helplessly as Nami was taken farther and farther away from him.

- Dudley
Slingshot yourself up there, dumbass! Christ hell, when a character has a superpower, always keep in mind that he has a fucking superpower.

- Spoony Spoonicus
This story is the polar opposite of the Super Friends; while Superman can pull another power out of his ass any time the plot calls for it, Luffy mysterously LOSES his powers when they would actually be useful.

“Yes this is it! The power! The power!” Wrath was crying out as he began to stroke the surface of the obelisk. “You are doing so well my dear. Continue to awaken the power. Let it surround this place and you...become one with the power once again as you have been destined to be!”

- Megido
Uuuughhh.

- Happy Head Bash
"This guy's shtick is more one-note than ours!"
"You said it, cock-gobbler!"
*BONK*


- Dudley
Wrath finally got himself a Wii!

“I feel the power...”

- clobberpuppy
By the power of Grayskull!

Nami began to say. “But my own life energy is being sucked away into this crystal I fear...I fear I will be consumed by the power, my love.”


“You must be strong for both our sakes. You must fulfill your promise to me. Give me the power to take over the world. Together it will be ours!” Wrath told her soothingly.


“I will try,” Nami agreed as the temple continued to change. Soon the obelisk itself began to change and grow until it began to resemble something more like a dark sphere. It then began to rise from the pillar until it was hovering in midair above it. “I can feel it...the world around me...the rocks...the trees...the sea...I can feel it and...I can control it.”


“Yes! Yes you’ve done it! Now! First we shall test this power. My love, make the world shake! Make everyone tremble before our power!” Wrath commanded.

- Dudley
STOP! Re-read the last four paragraphs, but this time, use the voice of Dr. Weird for Wrath and Steve for Nami!

- Avatar
This guy is getting obnoxiously repetitive.

And coming from someone whose dialog consists mostly of the words "name" "job" and "bye", that's saying a lot.


“As you wish, my love.”

- Avatar
She's not much better either.

Nami agreed and began to concentrate her power. She envisioned the continents of the world shaking, the islands of the Grand Line trembling from an unseen force...and so it was.


“It’s too late!” Vivi cried out to the bewildered Luffy. “It has already begun. The power has been awaken...the earth is in pain. And soon...its people shall suffer...soon the power will go out of control and the world will be destroyed!”


“No...it can’t be.” Luffy murmured. “Nami would never do something like this...Nami...”


“Luffy.” Came a weak voice from behind him.


Luffy turned around and was thoroughly shocked to see Nami standing behind him. She looked pale and weak but more like the normal Nami he had come to know and love. “Nami?! What are you doing here...aren’t you inside that glowing black Mystery Sphere?”


Nami looked up at the top of the pillar where the black sphere was hovering, swirling with silver and blue energy. “I...am here...but I am also there. Oh, Luffy it’s hard to explain but you have to get me up to that sphere!” She stumbled forward in her weakened condition. “I...leave it to you Captain.” She echoed the words she had told him once before.


Luffy smiled back at her. “I don’t really understand what is going on here but leave it to me!” Luffy quickly hoisted Nami onto his back and she wrapped her arms around his neck. She leaned her face against his back in breathed in his scent. Would this be the last time she was ever this close to him?


Luffy quickly made his way over to the pillar and grabbed onto two spikes, he then began to pull himself up. Up, and up and up. How far had the pillar grown, how far away was the black sphere anyways...a 100 meters at least. He grunted as he pulled himself and Nami up using the spikes above him and letting his feet find footings on those spikes that were below.


It was slow going with the added weight of Nami

- Azul Rojo
What? Souls have weight?

- Spoony Spoonicus
They're also made of atoms, if you follow Greek philosophy.

and the odd random placement of the spikes

- Dr. Orpheus
Atlanteans have impeccably poor taste in architecture!

but Luffy would never let such things stop him. Nami noticed that Luffy’s breath was coming in and out in short gasps. He was once again putting himself through hell for her. She vaguely remembered a similar time when using his bare hands and feet Luffy had scaled a mountain side to get Nami to the doctor’s in time.


And here he was again helping her to get to her fated destination. She would once again be lost without him. Her heart swelled with feelings for him. She loved him so much and yet...there was still so much between them...


She could feel her grasp around Luffy’s neck slipping. She was having one of her fits again.

- Miles Edgeworth
Fits of stupidity, or is this something else?

She could see her own hands coming in and out of visibility. She was disappearing again. No not yet...please not yet. I have to at least stop her...before I...


“Ahhhhh!!!” Nami cried as she lost her hold upon Luffy and began to fall backwards.


“Nami!” Luffy cried as he saw her falling. “No!” He cried and stretched his arm after her as she continued to fall through the air. He just had to reach her in time, he willed his arm to stretch faster, faster, faster. “Nami grab my hand!”


Nami looked up in surprise to see Luffy’s hand shooting towards her. She reached out her hand and their two hands came together. His hand closed around hers and he then began to pull her back up.

- Dudley
With his hand, which was holding her hand. One of their hands was made of rubber. Rubber hand.

Suddenly, her hand began to slip through his. She was disappearing again. And this time Luffy saw what was happening. “Nami your hands?!” He cried as he saw Nami’s hands were disappearing and reappearing.


“Luffy..I should have told you but, that other me she’s in possession of my body and if I don’t get it back...I will disappear from this world. Right now I’m just a soul fragment without a body.”


“Why didn’t you tell me?” Luffy asked in a strained voice. “I’m a bit confused but...it means if we don’t get up there in time I could lose you right?”


Nami didn’t answer but Luffy knew the truth by the look in her eyes. “Nami...come back to me Nami.”


“But I...” Nami was hesitating. She could feel herself disappearing from this world. Should she just let herself fade away? Why should she stay? “But I don’t want to be in the way.”

- Miles Edgeworth
Forcing angst into the story at EVERY SINGLE OPPORTUNITY.

- Spoony Spoonicus
Hey, remember how you're the only one that can stop this? Remember?

“You’ve never been in the way. Nami I need you...by my side. Come on Nami! Hang in there!” Luffy said as he continued to pull her up.


His words gave her strength in will and she tightened her hold upon Luffy’s hand. If he needed her she would go to him. Her hand solidified and Luffy pulled her up until she was at his side.


“Luffy I’m here for you if you need but I...don’t want to be in the way of you and Vivi-” Nami was cut off as Luffy fiercely pressed his lips up against hers for a mind blowing kiss.

- clobberpuppy
"Well shit, you just gave me an aneurysm. Bye!"

When he pulled away they were both out of breath.

- Avatar
Good to know that while the world's falling apart around them, they still have time for a make-out scene.

“I don’t want to lose you Nami, ever. Because I...love you.” Luffy told her looking deeply into her eyes.


Tears welled up in Nami’s eyes. It was all too good to be true. It couldn’t be real. “You don’t really mean that...how could you love me when you know of my past...after you found out you avoided me...you will never truly love me...because I’m-”


“Perfect. Just the way you are. You may be a bit money hungry, and selfish, and rely on others to protect you,

- Alys Brangwin
And a shameless slut...
- Sturm
And a hypocrite...
- The Guardian
And a murderer...
- Mayor Mike Haggar
And a total bitch...
- Miles Edgeworth
And a bleeding heart...
- Megido
And a complete idiot...
- Alan Smithee
and the worst kind of Mary Sue...
- Spoony Spoonicus
And absolutely nothing like the real Nami...

or even a total flirt but these are the things I love you about.

- Megido
Dyslexia ahoy.

The good and the bad. It makes you the woman I have fallen in love with.” Luffy interrupted her. “Nami I didn’t ignore you because I rejected you because of your past I distanced myself from you because I was afraid of hurting you. I’ve been having these strange visions lately Nami I don’t really get it but I could never let myself hurt you. I would rather die first.”


Nami’s eyes widened. “Luffy...about that, I think I should tell you-”


“Nami, it can wait.

- Avatar
Great, let's draw this out even more.

Right now I promise to get you to the top of this pillar as fast as humanly possible.” Luffy smirked.


“Right.” Nami smiled, nodded her head and wiped the tears from her eyes. “Let’s go Captain!”


Luffy hoisted her onto his back again and they continued their way to the top of the pillar this time at a much faster pace than before. Nami smiled to herself remembering the words she had just heard Luffy say to her, those three magical words she thought she’d never hear him say, ever. Somehow it had made it all, everything they had gone through, worth it in the end.


“We’re almost there, Nami.” Luffy grunted as he placed a hand on the edge of the ledge of the top of the pillar. He then began to drag himself and Nami up and onto the surface. Nami and Luffy stood now beneath the sphere which was hovering above them.


And there waiting for them was Wrath...

- Miles Edgeworth
Like a papercut that never heals, this guy always comes back to annoy you at the worst possible time.

“Well, well, well, I see you both have made it this far but it’s too late to stop it now. The power of Atlantis has already been awakened and is under my control. Soon the world will be in the palms of my hands! And I will not only be the Pirate King...but the World King!”

- Sturm
What kind of lame title is that?

“The power of Atlantis is under your control?” Nami questioned. “I think not. It’s under my control, or her control, or well, you get the picture.

- Spoony Spoonicus
THERE ARE TWO OF ME! THERE ARE TWO OF ME! THERE ARE TWO OF ME! THERE ARE TWO OF ME!

Give it a rest, it's not even that clever.

The real one in control here is not you.”


Nami looked up at the black sphere, which was swirling with colors of silver and blue looking like a chaotic sea that was trapped inside a crystal ball. “Inside of that chaotic sea is a part of me I have always rejected. I have always feared it would come back to haunt my present, and ruin my chance for a future. But I’ve been wrong all this time. I never had to fear that because instead I should have trusted in those that I cared about and that cared for me. I know now what I must do. Thanks to you Luffy.” Nami smiled back at Luffy before coming to stand under the black sphere.

- Phoenix Wright
Copied right from the script of an after school special.

- Miles Edgeworth
It's about time we got to the obligatory speech. Can we get this over with now?

- Spoony Spoonicus
So, uh, it's her whore side and she got rid of it? Then why is she still a masochistic snuff freak?

“Nami what are you going to do?” Luffy questioned. “I should go with you. I could protect you.”


“Luffy this is something I have to do on my own.” Nami said as she began to be lifted off the floor drawn by the unseen power of the sphere. “You’ve done enough already.”


“Not so fast little missy.”

- clobberpuppy
No cookies for you!

- Miles Edgeworth
"Little Missy"? What the fuck?

Wrath growled as he lunged forward and grabbed Nami’s foot as it was almost out of reach and stopping her ascent. “You’re not going anywhere and there is not way I’m letting you come between me and the power of Atlantis. The power of Atlantis is mine to control! To command!”

- Franziska von Karma
Even I don't speak in this many redundant synonyms! How foolishly foolish this fool of an author can be.

“Let her go!” Came Luffy’s voice. And for the first time Wrath acknowledged Luffy’s presence.


“Did I just hear something?” Wrath mocked. “Or was it the wind. It was so faint I could barely hear it.”

- Avatar
Is there some unwritten rule that he has to blurt out every cliché line he can think of at any given time once he's awarded the title of main villain?

- Shredder
It's enough to make me rethink by aspirations of overthrowing Krang!

“I said LET HER GO!” Luffy growled as he lunged at Wrath. Luffy was about to collide with Wrath when suddenly he passed right through him. Luffy was sent flying to the floor where he skidded, his face getting buried in the dirt. “What the hell?” Luffy exclaimed as he coughed on the dust.


Wrath merely laughed. “Foolish boy, even now you still do not understand you are powerless against me.”


Luffy got up and brushed the dirt form his clothes. “I don’t get it...are you a ghost?”


“In a sense yes, you could call me the Ghost of Memories Past.

- Cybernetic Ghost of Christmas Past from the Future
Thousands of years ago, before history had begun to record itself on parchment and pages, there existed a lone tribe of filthy unwashed ape creatures who strived to perfect the twisted and arcane art of THE WRITTEN LANGUAGE. In this tribe existed one who would abuse this power in years to come, none other than the nefarious Sorcery Genius LINA. When the great time-rifts of the wizard lord opened up their swirling gates, the young witch THREW herself through them and arrived... IN OUR TIME.

Buwhahahaha! You can never defeat me boy. You might as well give it up.”


Luffy pushed himself to his feet and dusted himself off. He then smirked at Wrath, who looked confused for a moment. “You know, sorry to tell you this but I’m really bad about giving up.” With that said Luffy attacked Wrath again and again. Each time Luffy swung a punch that punch just flew through Wrath but Luffy would not give up.

- Megido
Is there an echo in here? There'd better be an echo in here.

Suddenly, the black sphere above them began to spin. It began to spin faster and faster and then suddenly blue-tinged lightning began to fly out of the sphere hitting the temple walls and making them crumble. Energy was flying out of the sphere in a chaotic fashion as it began to spin out of control.

- Angry Video Game Nerd
Is this thing controlled by the fucking Power Glove or something? It just does whatever the fuck it wants!

“What is happening?” Wrath asked bewildered as he watched the sphere. “Nami what are you doing? Stop it! The power is escaping! You are not controlling it.”

- Cybernetic Ghost of Christmas Past from the Future
It was there she found that the world had changed greatly, and discovered forms of entertainment that most call "Anime" in disgust. She CLUNG to this deseperately as its large eyes and long scenes of standing around reminded her so much of her mother's primitive cave paintings she so longed to see again.

“I-I can’t control it! It’s too powerful! It’s going out of control!” Came the voice from within the sphere. “There’s nothing I can do to stop it.”


“WHAT?! YOU CAN’T LET THIS HAPPEN! CONTROL IT DAMN YOU! CONTROL IT!!! MY POWER MY MAGNIFICENT POWER!!!!”

- clobberpuppy
Where's the remote? Turn the volume down!

Wrath bellowed as he watched the random lightning bolts shooting out from the chaotic sphere.


The ground beneath them began to tremble.


“NAMI I DID NOT ORDER AN EARTH QUAKE! WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING?!”

- clobberpuppy
"Sorry, mixup in the system. I'll get to work on your pepperoni and baby blood pizza right away!"

- Cybernetic Ghost of Christmas Past from the Future
Sorcery Genius Lina's underdevloped, chimp like mind was soon overcome with nothing but cult-like devotion to her new Anime gods, and a short time after obtaining her GED began feverishly scribing tales of horrible nightmarish worlds where everyone begins to act as if they were everything they had ever feared in mankind. She cackled with delight as her grotesque works were spread far and wide by powerful forces that cost her a mere 15.95 a month.

And that, is the true horror behind fan fiction.

“The sphere...the sphere is set on a destructive path...I think...the entire world will become engulfed in earth quakes, floods, and other natural disasters it is only a matter of time before the world becomes engulfed in chaos and is destroyed...I am sorry my love I have failed you.”

- Sturm
Awfully nice of them to program it to RUIN THE ENTIRE PLANET at the slightest slip-up.

- SCUMM Engine
ExceptionHandle(User.Trait=="Fuckup"){
destroy_planet()
}

“Noooo!!!” Wrath sunk to his knees in defeat releasing Nami in the process.


She was about to continue her way towards the sphere when Luffy grabbed her foot this time stopping her.


“Nami...you can’t go now! It’s too dangerous.”


“You must let me go Luffy...it’s not only about me now it’s about the entire world. I cannot allow this to happen. Somehow I have to find a way to stop this.” Nami looked down at Luffy.


“Alright Nami, I trust you.” Luffy said as he released her and allowed her to float back to the sphere and become engulfed by it until he could no longer see her. Then Luffy heard laughter from behind him. He turned around to see that Wrath was laughing uncontrollably. “What the hell are you laughing at? We’re all fighting for our lives here!”


“Fighting you say? So you think the girl may be able to stop the foretold destruction of the world? I think not. And the best part of this all is that this is all your fault.”


“What do you mean by that, you bastard.”


“You still haven’t figured it out yet have you. Luffy, Luffy, Luffy, you are the one who did those nasty, unspeakable things to Nami...you are the one who tortured Shanks...you are the one who conquered the Grand Line in your own way and became King of the Pirates.”

- Avatar
He was laughing about how much of a ridiculous farce this plot element is.

Luffy’s eyes widened in horror. “Just what are you saying. I don’t understand you I-” Luffy’s mind was suddenly flooded with visions but this time he recognized them for what they were - memories...of him and Nami...of him and Ace, who was getting a new tattoo, one of a drama mask...of him torturing Shanks...of countless other things he had done that he had never been aware of. Unspeakable things, dirty things, vile things. Was it all really true...could it really be true...he had done these things...but then that would mean that Wrath...


“You finally understand don’t you.”


Suddenly, Luffy found himself looking out from the eye holes of a mask. He quickly removed the mask and peered down at it in his hands in disbelief. The strange drama mask with the strange mark under the left eye resembling a scar...very much like the scar Luffy bore under his left eye.


It all made sense now...


He was Wrath.




- Spoony Spoonicus
So you're telling me Luffy has a split personality that not only wants to destroy the entire world, but managed to conquer the ENTIRE GRAND LINE as a preteen? He also somehow maintained full contact with his minions, left his Straw Hat crew on several occasions for weeks (months?) at a time to wage war on an entire city, get Ace a new tattoo, capture Shanks, lay dozens of traps for the Straw Hats to fall into, and returned every time with neither the Straw Hats nor the Pirate Kings ever knowing or suspecting a thing?

Congratulations, this is the stupidest plot twist I have ever read in my life. I'm not even close to kidding.

- Tyler Durden
You are not your bank account. You are not the car you drive. You are not Daddy's Little Girl. You are not a great writer. You are not able to maintain consistency. You are a terrible human being. And you ripped me off.

- Narrator
At least our excuse was insomnia.

But why? And how?


You don’t remember do you? The day I was born. That’s because for most of your life you have willed yourself to forget that fateful day...allow me to refresh your memory.

- Miles Edgeworth
Playing Sephiroth now, are we?

Luffy’s head felt like it would split in two as his mind was suddenly pummeled with images, images long forgotten now brought to the surface.


There he was with Shanks...the pirate he so admired...how he wanted to be like him - strong, powerful, respected...and yes even feared. He wanted that. To be a pirate. But what was a pirate? A pillager? A robber? A thief?...perhaps a murderer?

- Spoony Spoonicus
Sometimes pirates are just cool guys following their dreams while the government tries to keep them from discovering a truth they want kept hidden so badly that they'll destroy entire islands to keep it safe.

Oh wait, I just described what One Piece is supposed to be.

His naive mind could barely grasp the true concept of what a pirate really was. His mind was filled with visions of treasure, adventures, fanciful things that had little to the with the harshness of reality.

- Alys Brangwin
How do you swap "do" for "the"?

But for a boy things like dreams were very, very important and so Luffy dreamed of becoming the most feared pirate - the Pirate King.


The years went by and it was at the young age of twelve that Luffy ran away from home as a stowaway on a pirate ship. They hadn’t noticed that he was aboard until it was too late to take him back. So they accepted him as part of their crew on one condition, one very important condition.


“If you want to stay with us boy, you have to be a real pirate? You got that?” The pirate captain told him wagging a finger at him.


“A real pirate?” Luffy questioned wide-eyed in awe.


“Yea no crying for mommy when the going gets tough. You have to do what we do or else we’re throwing you overboard and since you can’t swim well you get the picture.” The man smiled, revealing gaps in his teeth.


“I want to be a real pirate.” Luffy said without a shred of doubt in his voice.


The pirates all laughed at his naivete and thought of Luffy as nothing more than amusement...


And then the day came, the day when a young boy’s dreams were shattered.

- Miles Edgeworth
The Day SorceryGeniusLina found One Piece and gave it a fatal dose of angst, terrible writing and stolen plot elements.

“Captain! There’s a ship off the starboard bow! It’s a big one she is. It must be a merchant ship! Loaded with goodies no doubt...and a many a fine lass I’m sure!”


Many of the pirates laughed at that.

- Avatar
Fine women don't exist in this universe.

Now, if you want trashy whores, we can help you there.

“Arrr, sounds good to me. We shall take that fine ship!” The Captain ordered.


“Prepare the cannons to fire. Come about!”


The pirate ship was maneuvered until it was coming right along side the merchant ship at top speed. There was no escape for the heavily laden ship, that was too slow.

- Sturm
I'd say "let the context fill in the blanks for once", but we've already seen that that's a lost cause.

When they were right along side it the Captain ordered a barrage of cannon fire.


“Cannons! Fire!” The Captain shouted.


The merchant ship’s sides were hit precisely and the ship came to a standstill.

- Megido
Uuuuuuuggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

“Prepare to board, you scallywags! Have the boarding hooks at the ready!” The Captain commanded.

- Avatar
Trapped in yet another cliché, this story.

In a matter of moments the pirates were all swinging over the sides of the ship and onto the merchant ship. Up until this point Luffy had been watching with a face full of awe that was until he heard the screaming after the merchant ship had been fired upon.


He had been watching as the fires had broken out on the other ship’s decks and how people were running around in a panic. Some already jumping ship. People...the people were suffering because of them.


But this was only the beginning. As soon as the pirates landed they began to kill anyone who so much as lifted a finger to resist them. Luffy wanted to shut his eyes against what he was seeing but found that he was so terrified that he couldn’t. He had no choice but to continue watching...


The pirates finished murdering most of the crew, and began to take the women captive. Their screams filled Luffy’s ears and he was reminded of his mother

- Commander Ladd
Whom we've never seen nor heard any trace of in the actual story.

...any of these women could have children just like him and now they now they...who knew what fate awaited them.


If this wasn’t bad enough it seemed that the pirates had left one man alive for one very special purpose.


“Boy the time has come for you to prove that you are one of us. In this world it is kill or be killed I want you to remember that. Now here take this.” The Pirate Captain placed a small dirk in Luffy’s hands.


He then went over to the restrained man and released his bonds. “I want you to kill this man.” The Pirate ordered.

- Spoony Spoonicus
Our author has recently watched Batman Begins.

“Wha?” Luffy squeaked out in disbelief. “You don’t mean...”


“This is a battle of life and death whoever survives well survives...I’m sure at least you understand.” The Pirate Captain addressed the unarmed man. He was an average looking sort of man, was probably a navigator by his scholarly appearance definitely not the fighter type, he had probably surrendered right away. But at those words the man’s eyes took a different sort of glint to them as they turned to Luffy.


Luffy took a step back. He couldn’t really be expected to kill the man in front of him could he? Before he could question again the captured man lunged towards Luffy, or rather for Luffy’s dirk. Soon Luffy was sent crashing into the floor of the deck the man on top of him fighting for the knife.


They struggled one against the other until the knife was coming very close to Luffy’s neck. Luffy used all his strength to move the knife away from his neck and soon it was under his eye. The knife was digging into his skin there now until he bled. The pain...it hurt. How it hurt.

- Spoony Spoonicus
Wow. Have you even read One Piece?

- Avatar
You're just now asking this?!

- Commander Ladd
It's even more inexcusable considering that the scar is explained FOUR PAGES into CHAPTER 1.

That was when Luffy realized that this man was trying to kill him.


Summoning the last of his strength Luffy used an odd tactic as he decided to head butt the man on top of him. The man was stunned and just long enough to give Luffy plenty of time to run his small dirk through the man’s unprotected neck...


Blood sprayed onto Luffy, and onto his now blood stained hands.


A twelve year old boy had killed a man.

- Avatar
You've obviously never met Spark if this comes as a surprise to you.

Is this what he had wanted? To become a pirate? What of his dream?

- The Guardian
Abandon all hope, ye who enter the realm of fan fiction.

It all seemed to be crashing around him. Luffy couldn’t handle it, couldn’t face what he had done, couldn’t carry the burden of the guilt of the crime he had committed. He didn’t want to be himself at that moment. He wished he were free, were someone else.


And that is when Wrath was born.

- Megido
So very... anticlimactic.

- Spoony Spoonicus
He envisoned Wrath - a murdering, raping psychotic asshole - as his idea of the King of the Pirates, and yet he developed a split personality to escape that very persona.

Yep, this plot's falling apart faster than a leper on a square-wheeled bike.

The only way to keep Luffy’s conscious guilt free would be for Luffy to truly be a separate entity than from the one who had just murdered a man.

So Luffy’s split personality was formed.

- Miles Edgeworth
Because it's just that easy to develop a second personality whenever you want.

Wrath would be the one to shoulder the guilt of the murder. It was he who was guilty of the crime. And it was he who would be guilty of any crimes Luffy committed in the future.


Luffy would be free from all this. In this way Luffy could remain pure, innocent, a boy...up until the age of seventeen still an innocent boy.

- Spoony Spoonicus
Kid-like he may be, but incapable of dealing with hardship he is not.

The persona Luffy had created had resulted in his personality splitting as it had.

- Megido
Must you explain out absolutely every detail about everything?

He wasn’t really naive of the world he was just unaware of what he already knew about it. He was sheltered, protected from himself, but at the same time left in the dark about the truth...the harsh truths of the reality of the world, love, hate, good, evil. Instead of understanding the gray area all had become black and white.


However, now Luffy knew.


Luffy’s eyes opened and he realized he had been lying unconscious for several minutes. The black sphere overhead was still spinning rapidly and out of control.


The guilt of all the crimes he had committed in his life washed over Luffy. He was no longer the same Luffy. He knew things now. He was different. Luffy could no longer separate himself from those harsh realities it was time for him to face the music.

- Spoony Spoonicus
I'm strangely indifferent to the last bastion of Luffy's personality being destroyed. Probably my survival instinct telling me to wrap this up and get the fuck out of here before my brain implodes.

“What have I done? What am I? I...deserve to die.” Luffy moaned before he let out a bellowing yell that echoed throughout the chamber.

- clobberpuppy
KHAAAAAAAAAAAAN!

ooo


As Nami was drawn into the sphere she knew what she would have to do but at the same time was filled with fear. Would she succeed? Could she stop the destruction of the end of the world?

- Sturm
You want to stop the end of the world's destruction? So you want to destroy the world?

- Azul Rojo
What?! Could she WHAT?! Remember kids, PROOFREADING SAVES THE LIVES OF BRAIN CELLS.

- Spoony Spoonicus
I'd rip on this sentence too, but it's so bad it actually made me laugh. Ironic that a bit of bad grammar is funnier than all of the actual attempts at comedy in this story.

Would she unite her soul to her body in time to save herself as well? Would she ever see Luffy again?....


Once Nami had passed through the black sphere her surroundings changed suddenly and it was like she was in outer space.

- clobberpuppy
All of her bodily fluids rushed out through her eye sockets and ears and froze solid as her body's internal pressure tried in vain to adjust itself to hard vacuum.

The space around her was much larger than the sphere appeared to be on the outside, this space was unlimited,

- Doctor Who
Get out! Get the fuck out!

there were no boundaries, or beginnings or ends. Here in this dark endless space filled with silver stars and purple mist was where she would have to confront her other self.


She floated weightless through the space once again guided, her soul’s yearning to be whole once again drawing her forward. There just up ahead she saw her was - her other self. A swirling aura of silver and blue was spinning around her rapidly, out of control. Her other self seemed to be unconscious or else fighting stay conscious as the immense power of Atlantis seemed to be overwhelming her at last.


Nami felt odd saying this but she called out to her other self, “Nami!!”


This got her other self’s attention and her eyes sprung open. “You.” She started coldly. “I should have disposed of you earlier. But not matter now

- Sturm
The spirit of the mirror is apparently a cavewoman.

- Miles Edgeworth
So this mirror is thousands of years old?

- Cybernetic Ghost of Christmas Past from the Future
That's what I JUST TOLD YOU.

- Avatar
Nothing else in this plot makes sense. Might as well through another anachronism on the fire.

that you are out of the mirror your soul cannot survive without a body for very much longer. You are already dead. Your coming here was pointless.”


Nami glared back at her dark-garbed self, “As long as I have the will to keep on living my soul will remain in this world...and I have found my reason to keep on living. You cannot beat me. I am you...we cannot beat each other...I understand that now. And it’s all thanks to him. The man I, no, we love. Deep down you feel it too, the longing to be by his side. That’s what we both want. I don’t intend to fight you.”


“If you don’t intend to fight me then why have you come? Do you intend to stop the power of Atlantis that I have already unleashed? Even I can no longer control it, and I have the blood of Atlantis flowing within my veins. What could you a mere soul fragment hope to accomplish by coming here?” The red-painted lips frowned.

- Spoony Spoonicus
Get in your tiny car and drive out of this plot already, Sparkles.

“I don’t plan to do anything, alone anyways. Together we should have enough power to stop the power of Atlantis and then together we will go back to him.” Nami said firmly.


“Together you say?” Nami’s other half started to laugh, a cold merciless laugh. “Don’t make me laugh. You think I’ll fall for your trap?


You just want your body back and I don’t intend to give it back to you. I have been trapped in the darkness too long for that. And even though the end draws near I will live out the last moments of my life in freedom. I am free. And as for him...he would not accept me anyways. You know that as well as I do.”


“You’re wrong!” Nami blurt out startling her other half. “He does accept us. He told me himself, that he loves me for me flaws and all including the part of me which is you. He loves us.”


“Lies! Lies! Lies! Lies!” The other Nami was shaking her head back and forth in denial. “It can’t be true...not me...not me.”


Nami was much closer to her otherself now. “But it is true...he loves us both. Together we can be with him.”


“You’re lying...” Nami’s other self said in a much weaker voice.


Nami was nearly next to her other self now and she began to reach out her arms to her.


Her other self noticed this however. “No! Stay away!”

- clobberpuppy
"You're just waiting for me to let my guard down so you can turn me into pineapple Jell-o!"

- Spoony Spoonicus
This isn't Evangelion. Though I dare say Evangelion is better.

- Commander Ladd
Evangelion could at least carry a cohesive plot, even if it did suck blistered testicles.

- Spoony Spoonicus
Not to mention popularizing the sinister portrayal of Biblical themes that another two-bit hack rides to fame and fortune every few weeks.

But Nami had already begun to wrap her arms around her other self. She brought her other self to lay her head upon her breast. “Shhhh it’s over now. No more hiding. I won’t reject you any more. You are a part of me just as I am a part of you. We are one. And that’s ok because...he said so.”


“Can it really be true?” Nami’s other self breathed.


As the two sides of Nami embraced they were engulfed in a blinding light a light that overshadowed that of the out of control power of Atlantis. Dark and Light united to become one once more. And then as the light faded away all that was left was one Nami, one whole Nami.

- clobberpuppy
1% and Skim Nami just weren't cutting it.

And within her hands was a shimmering ball of light. “You are no longer a part of us, Evil Spirit. Begone to the underworld where you belong.” The ball of light, which had been the evil spirit inhabiting the mirror began to break up into several small golden lights before dispersing into nothingness.

- Spoony Spoonicus
The only real resolution anything in this story will have, sadly.

Now Nami was surrounded by the nothingness that was around her in this space. But within this nothingness there was also an ancient power there.

- Miles Edgeworth
A contradiction and bad grammar all rolled into one convenient package you couldn't give away for free.

The power that started the creation of the universe long ago, the power of mother earth, or mother nature, the power of creation as well as destruction. Nami could feel it now as it throbbed within every fiber of her being. She could feel the powers will to be unleashed not necessarily in destruction but just to be free.


When her Dark self had unleashed the power to be used to create an earthquake the power had been led down that dark path and had stayed down that path of destruction. Now all that Nami had to do was guide that power back to a path of creation. Easier said than done however. Nami struggled again the power as it tried to continue its path of destruction. But Nami was the power’s master and continued to use the strength of her will to control the power, harness it, reign it in.

- Megido
I'm really getting tired of pointing out poor grammar and repeated phrases. Just get this over with already.

Soon the swirling of silver and blue that surrounded her began to slow...the power was slowly coming under her control again. From this universal space Nami could feel the world, it’s song and now she was its conductor. She would write a new song for the earth. The seas would no longer flood, the land would no longer tremble, the skies would no longer be filled with thunder.

- Mayor Mike Haggar
Does anyone care about this needless exposition? Anyone?

Nami would set things right once more.


ooo


The Straw Hat pirates had made it to the great chamber of the Temple of Mother Nature and were surprised to see the state of things once they did. Many parts of the temple were being damaged as blue lightning bolts seemed to be coming from nowhere and everywhere

- Alys Brangwin
So which is it? Make up your mind about something at some point, please.

hitting random parts of the ceilings and walls. When the pirates looked up however they saw the cause of it all - a giant black sphere which was filled with a chaotic sea of silver and blue energies. The sphere was spinning rapidly

- Spoony Spoonicus
A descriptor she was so impressed with that she's repeated it four times now.

and though they couldn’t see inside the sphere very well for a mere second they thought they had seen the shadow or form of a woman inside.


They also took in the sight of the pillar with the random spikes gutting out from it

- Spoony Spoonicus
It's "jutting."

and there at the very top was Luffy....


Ace gasped when he realized what he was seeing.


It was a strange sight to see but it seemed like Luffy was being punched by an unseen force. Luffy was also attacking thin air but whatever punches he threw simply seemed to come right back to him. In other words Luffy was fighting himself.


“He knows...” Ace murmured as he watched his brother’s struggle. “Dammit he knows. LUFFY!!!”


Shanks looked up worriedly at Luffy and then looked around for the orange-haired navigator. “Where’s Nami?”


“She is inside the chaos...” Came a voice.


Everyone turned to see Vivi still sitting huddled on the floor with her arms wrapped around her. “She’s alone within the chaos...she is struggling to control the power...but it still won’t be enough...”


“Vivi what are you saying? What do you mean it won’t be enough?” Zoro questioned kneeling at her side and looking at her imploringly.


“The City of Atlantis will be buried within the sea once again.” Vivi declared.


Silence followed her words.


“If-if this place is really going to be flooded again shouldn’t we get the hell out of here?!” Ussop cried out.

- Spoony Spoonicus
It wasn't flooded when they came down. Where is this coming from?

“And abandon Luffy and Nami?!” Zoro sounded outraged.


“He’s right.” Shanks said suddenly. “It’s too dangerous to remain here much longer. Even if Nami manages to stop the power of Atlantis, this city will be lost once more. Everyone needs to get out of here and fast. I...will go get Luffy and Nami.”


“Im going with you.” Ace spoke up.


“No the others will need your strength.” Shanks objected. “Now go all of you. Believe in them, your Captain and your Navigator.”


“Right!!!!” The Straw Hat pirates all agreed.


The Straw Hats started to make their way out of the collapsing temple as Shanks made his way towards the stone pillar. He then grabbed on the spikes and began to pull himself upwards.

- Avatar
Pretty impressive for a guy with one arm.


Finally after several moments he had made it to the top. Luffy was still fighting himself and flying backwards and then Luffy was counterattacking the air again.


“Luffy!” Shanks cried as he lunged forward and punched Luffy across the face. “Get a hold of yourself! Luffy you need to stop beating yourself up about it. What’s in the past is in the past. So you thought that being a pirate was all fun and games and found out it wasn’t big deal.

- Miles Edgeworth
Great, even Shanks is a neanderthal now.

Not everything is black and white Luffy, there’s a lot of gray. But what you need to realize is good can’t exist without the bad. How would you appreciate things otherwise such the good deeds of others if there weren’t also bad deeds being committed in the world.”

- Miles Edgeworth
The worst part is the author probably thinks this is really deep.

- Spoony Spoonicus
Getting a lesson in "black and white" from an author whose every character, story branch and plot point is a one-dimensional cliche is pretty hilarious too.

Luffy held a hand to his stinging cheek with a stunned expression on his face. He then looked over to Shanks as if noticing him for the first time. “Shanks?...” Luffy questioned in a small voice.


“That’s right kiddo it’s me. Now instead of fighting yourself isn’t their something more important that you should be doing?” Shanks was saying.


“Something important...” Luffy struggled to think.


“Like saving the woman you love.” Shanks sighed.


“The woman I...Nami!?” Luffy said suddenly as he looked up at the sphere of chaos that had begun to slow it’s spinning. “Nami, she’s done it! The power is stopping.”


“But it won’t be enough to stop the flood that will cover Atlantis once more. Also...she has no strength left to leave the chaos space.” Shanks informed him.


“How do you know all this,” Luffy questioned suspiciously.


“That isn’t important.

- Mayor Mike Haggar
Like hell it isn't! Stop shooting more holes in the plot, it's already sinking fast!

- Spoony Spoonicus
It's already at the bottom of the sea. Sustained fire is just a waste of time and resources now.

Right now we need to figure out how to get up to that ball of chaos and get Nami out of there.” Shanks told him.


“Right,” Luffy nodded. “Maybe I can just...” Luffy began to stretch his arms up to the ball of chaos until his hands hit the barrier. “Damn it...I can’t get through unless...” Luffy closed his eyes and concentrated. Damn it you bastard lend me your strength. I know you can hear me. You know we both need her. Show me the true power of the devil’s fruit!


Suddenly Luffy’s hands began to glow with a black aura of chaotic energy and just as suddenly his hands began to pass through the chaos as if the barrier never existed. Now he only had to find her...

- Avatar
Spent the last twenty minutes trying deperately to hurt your imaginary enemy and now you're asking him for help. Wow.

- Sturm
Also, you keep saying "devil's fruit" when you've just established that Wrath's birth had nothing to do with the Devil Fruit at all.

His hands searched until he grabbed hold of something. Quickly, swinging his arms back he brought out what he had found.


“Luffy?” Nami asked in surprise as she was drawn out of the chaos and brought through the air towards Luffy.


“Yea...it’s me.” Luffy said uncertainly as he brought Nami into his arms.


“Great now we have to get the hell out of here.” Shanks was saying.


“You two go on ahead there’s something...I need to do.” Luffy informed them handing Nami over to Shanks.

- Commander Ladd
Alright, I'll bite. What could he possibly have left to do here?

“But what about you...what are you planning to do?” Nami asked, worry etched in her features.


“Don’t worry about me Nami...just get yourself out. Shanks I’m counting on you.” Luffy nodded his head.


“Right, you can count on me Luffy, don’t be long, meet up with us as soon as you can.” Shanks smiled.


Luffy didn’t answer but turned his back to them.


Shanks lifted Nami onto his back and they began to make their way down the stone pillar. Nami turned her head to look at Luffy one last time and noticed that his fists were shaking, his nails burying themselves into his skin.


What are you planning on doing? A voice questioned Luffy curiously.

- Miles Edgeworth
Yes, please, fill us in. We're dying to know.

I’m going to defeat you. Luffy responded calmly.

- Spoony Spoonicus
The guy just ruined his only chance at controlling Atlantis after you asked him to help you, and now you're right back to trying to kill him. NEITHER of your actions make any sense.

You can’t defeat me, you already know how futile it is to try. You are a part of me Luffy. We are one and the same you can’t win against me.


Oh, yes I can. I don’t plan on meeting up with them...


You can’t be saying!!! You plan to drown us both here!


That’s right.


You sick bastard!

- Sturm
Pot and the kettle.

Heh, you could be right. But at least everything will be over. I will atone for my sins with my death. I deserve to die...and you along with me. This ends now. You know as well as I do that it would be impossible for us, who have eaten of the devil’s fruit, to survive a flood.


Nami and Shanks were already making their way out of the tunnel when Nami suddenly got off of Shanks’ back.


“Nami what’s wrong?” Shanks asked worriedly.


“I’m sorry Shanks but you’ll just have to go on ahead without me.” Nami said as she turned and ran off in the opposite direction.

- Alys Brangwin
His entire reason for being here was to get you out, remember?

“Nami no!” Shanks cried as he turned to run back to her. But just as he was nearing her a large chunk of the ceiling came down blocking his way to her. “Dammit Nami don’t you know I care about you too!” Shanks yelled to the wall.


“I know that Shanks and I thank you for that. You were my savior but now I have to do some saving of my own.” Nami called behind her before breaking off into a run.


Nami ran until she was once again inside the temple’s chamber. There, she could see Luffy still at the top of the pillar. She began to run towards the pillar before she tripped over her own feet and landed face first on the ground. She didn’t have much strength left but she knew she just had to get to him. She pushed herself up off the ground and continued to make her way over to the pillar. Reaching her hand out and taking hold of a spike she began the agonizing process of making it to the top.

- Megido
You'd think she'd have at least taken it back down to ground level so Shanks could leave more easily.

Nami found her foot slipping but managed to regain her balance just in time. Her hands were becoming rubbed raw by the harsh stone spikes but Nami kept on going...


“Luffy!” Nami called just as she reached the top and she struggled to place her hands over the top to pull herself up but her strength was leaving her.


“Nami?!” Luffy exclaimed turning around and seeing her struggle. Just as she was about to let go and fall off the pillar Luffy grabbed both of her hands in his and pulled her up.


“Damn it Nami! What are you doing here?” Luffy frowned.


“I could be asking you the same thing. You weren’t planning on coming back were you.” Nami looked back at him imploringly.


Luffy turned his back to her. “Nami...there’s something you should know about me...” Before Luffy could continue he felt Nami wrapping her arms around him from behind.

- Miles Edgeworth
She knows all this already. EVERYONE knows this already.

“Shhhh it’s not important now anyways.” Nami murmured. “All that matters is that I’m here with you now Luffy. If I lost you, there’d be no point in living anyways. So I’m here with you Luffy...until the end.”


“Nami I...” Luffy was speechless with what he was hearing. Could it be possible that Nami would accept him even with all the atrocities he had committed, some even to her.


Just at the moment the walls of the temple began to crash in and water began to flood inside the temple.


“The Tsunami...” Nami murmured. “It was the only natural disaster I was unable to stop...

- Alys Brangwin
How ironic, "Princess Tsunami".

I didn’t have enough power and now because of that-”


“Shhh it’s not your fault.” Luffy said turning around to face her and placing a finger to her lips. “If it’s anyone’s fault it’s mine. I...deserve to die. Nami...when the water comes and floods this place you still have a chance of surviving since you’ll just turn into a mermaid. Once that happens I want you to leave me behind and save yourself.”


Nami suddenly bonked him on the head.

- Megido
Somehow, dear author always manages to ruin an emotional moment with a horrible choice of language or cartoonish foppery. Every time.
- Miles Edgeworth
She has a rather skewed view of... well hell, what doesn't she have a skewed view of?

“Haven’t you been listening to a word I’ve been saying I won’t leave you. Together...until the end Luffy.” She said as she stood on her tip toes and placed a soft kiss on Luffy’s lips.


The water level began to rise and rise until the temple was completely flooded only on the top of the pillar was the only place left that wasn’t under water but soon it would be as well.

- Miles Edgeworth
One trainwreck of a run-on sentence.

Luffy wrapped his arms around Nami and awaited the inevitable. Soon the water would cover him and he would become a deadweight.

- Sturm
It's not a compound word.

There would be no fighting it, he would be unable to breath and he would die. But at least he would die in the arms of the woman he loved.


The water was sloshing around their ankles now and Luffy’s tightened his embrace upon Nami. Soon now it would all be over and Wrath would die along with him just as it should be. He would make up for everything he had done in this way.


Soon the water began more powerful and in one big wave both Nami and Luffy were swallowed beneath the waves.


Nami could feel her body transforming into its mermaid form. The breath she had been holding was finally released and she gulped in oxygen that she was able to get from the water. She then turned to Luffy...


Luffy felt the water around him and felt strange. He was holding his breath and soon very soon he wouldn’t be able to hold it any longer but as he tightened his hold upon Nami he was surprised that he found he could even do so. He shouldn’t be able to move at all under the water after all.

- Spoony Spoonicus
Well, he can, just not anywhere well enough to swim or otherwise escape.

Luffy looked back at Nami preparing it to be the last glimpse he ever had over her as he released his breath...


Nami watched anxiously as Luffy finally let go of the breath he had been trying to hold...soon his lungs would fill with water and he would drown and there would be nothing she would be able to do about...

- Sturm
We've established this already. MOVE ON.

Luffy let go of his breath and then opened his mouth expecting his gulping for air to cause his mouth and lungs to be filled with water. What happened instead was the exact opposite. He breathed...he inexplicably was able to breath. He looked back at Nami in shock and she looked back at him with a similar expression on her face.


The bubbles rose between them as they breathed and they almost felt like laughing. How was this happening? Why? Nami could only thank the gods that for some reason Luffy was still alive and with her.

- The Guardian
As well you should, for he's been saved by another Deus ex Machina.

You see Luffy...there’s still hope so don’t give up please.


I don’t know why but even though I deserve to die I feel myself wanting to live to be with you Nami.


My Bellemere once told me that as long as you keep on living good things will happen to you. Luffy...together I just know that good things will happen to us so don’t give up yet, please.


Alright Nami, I won’t give up but only because I love you.


How did you figure out what love was anyways?


How can you ask that when it was you who revealed to me the greatest mystery of them all, love. You made my heart feel things I never thought possible, things a boy wouldn’t feel, but a man. I’m different than the man you fell in love with though Nami...I’m...

- Commander Ladd
This scene is so boring that we can't even come up with decent heckles.

Hell, it's not even cliché enough to mock in that regard!

- Spoony Spoonicus
On the contrary, it's TOO cliché. It's so cliché that our mockeries themselves would all be clichés.

Nami pressed her lips up against Luffy’s again and all thoughts were expelled from his mind. You dimwit, I already told you that’s not important. Just like you love me for me, I love you for you, every part of you good and the bad because...in the end that’s what it means to be human.


I guess you’re right Nami...I guess you’re right.

- Miles Edgeworth
Finally put a squelch on the excessive angst.

...Hehehe, squelch.

ooo

- Spoony Spoonicus
And so the entire Captain Wrath plot peters out without anything really being resolved at all.

But considering everything else we've read, that's not too surprising.


The Straw Hat pirates were all aboard the Going Merry drifting upon a now calm sea. Atlantis had already been swallowed up by the sea once more but the arc of the Going Merry had saved their lives.

- Spoony Spoonicus
Despite it also being six miles underwater at the time.


“Whhhaaaaa.” Ussop and Chopper moaned. “What about Luffy and Nami.”


Sanji tightening the embrace he had on Talika at those words.


Shanks’ and Ace’s expressions were serious.


And Tashigi and Zoro gave each other knowing looks - there was no way the two of them could have survived.


“Hey guys how about giving us a hand!” Came an unexpected voice.


“Nami-swaaan?!” Sanji cried out earning a slap from Talika. He coughed before saying in a much more serious tone. “Nami-san?”

- Franziska von Karma
It's about time somebody punished this foolish fool for acting so unbelivably foolish.

“Guys get off your lazy butts that’s an order!” Came another voice. It could only be...


“Luffy!!!”


Everyone was soon standing at the stern looking behind them to see both Nami and Luffy floating in the water.


“Luffy, how the hell are you floating like that?” Zoro questioned before smirking.


“Like I would be able to figure out something that complicated.” Luffy smiled.

- Commander Ladd
No "it's a mystery"? Because this is one of the few times it'd be appropriate.


“Now would you get us out of here! Ladies first.” Luffy said as his crew lowered a rope behind the Going Merry.


“How very gallant of you, Captain.” Nami winked before taking the rope and beginning to pull herself up.


“bluuurrtaaaahhhh.”

- Alpha Communicator


- Miles Edgeworth
Alpha, I'd get up and throw you out the window for that if the room weren't spinning so much.

“Huh?” Nami questioned looking back to see that Luffy was sinking back into the water.


“Luffy!” She dove back into the water and soon had brought him to the surface once more. “It seems you can only swim and breath in the water when you’re around me.”


“It’s a Mystery Miracle.” Luffy nodded sagely.

- Commander Ladd
Never mind, there it is.

“Right, well it looks like you’ll have to haul us both up.”


“I don’t like taking orders from you but today I’ll make an exception.” Zoro said as he lowered another rope and Luffy and Nami prepared to be lifted out of the water at the same time.

- Alys Brangwin
Hates Nami, loves Nami, hates Nami, loves Nami. Make a decision and stick with it already.

Soon they were back on deck with the rest of the crew.


“Wheeewwww! Who’s up for another adventure!” Luffy cried out suddenly.


“Baka!” Nami said bonking him on the head. “We all nearly died back there and yet you want to go on another adventure.”


“But Nami,” Luffy pouted, “Any time you think we’re going to die you kiss me so I can’t help myself.”

- Spoony Spoonicus
Behold, the end result of wedging a half-assed resolution to everyones' subplots into the story. There's now nothing left for the crew to do but wander around the planet in an endless cycle of murdering, angsting and fucking.

Nami blushed and everyone laughed. “Who would have thought Luffy would turn out to be a pervert.” Ace joked.


“I wonder where he gets it from,” Shanks poked Ace in the ribs knowingly.


Ace tried to look innocent, “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”


“Hey look over there!” Came Chopper’s voice from the crow’s nest.


Luffy bounded over to his favorite spot on the ram’s head. “Island! Island! Isalnd!”

- clobberpuppy
He bit his tongue on the last part.


“Some things never change.” Nami smiled.


ooo


The End.

- Angry Video Game Nerd
About damn time! I'd rather fuck a sandwich bag full of hyena shit than waste another minute of my life on this garbage! I'd rather eat a handful of thumbtacks! I'd rather drink skunk piss!

- Sturm
Hey,where'd Vivi go?

- Commander Ladd
Who cares, it's over! Crack open your champagne bottles and light up your cigars!

- Miles Edgeworth
WHOOOOOOP!

- Franziska von Karma
...

- Phoenix Wright
...

- Sturm
...

- Miles Edgeworth
*Ahem* I'm glad it's over, let's get the hell out of here.

Thanks again to my loyal fans I hope you all enjoyed my fic!!!!

- Spoony Spoonicus
In a way, it was oddly satisfying.

I mean, I can now rest assured that I'll never read anything this bad again. It's all uphill from here!

- Azul Rojo
I don't know how anyone could have enjoyed that. THANK GOD IT'S OVER. EVERYONE GETS 100 SHOTS OF BRAIN BLEACH FOR THEIR TROUBLES!

- Chet
We just beat the CRAPFIC! YEAAAHH!

- Dad
Well done, boys! Now the only thing left to do is take out the trash!

- Chet
Bag up that story, Ace!

- Ace
It's out of here, Chet!

- Chet
Another job well done!

- Ace
High five!

- Chet
Yeeeeeeeah!

- Dad
TAKE OUT THE TRASH!

- Alpha Communicator
GONT-ER-MAN, VIEWTIFUL!

 

 

- Chuck the Plant
It has come to our attention that many unfortunate souls have stumbled upon this story while searching for One Piece fan fiction (or One Piece hentai). All we can say is that we apologize for assaulting your eyes with this abomination.

As for those who came here searching for this specific story, all we can ask is "what the fuck is wrong with you"?

- Spoony Spoonicus
One more shorty before the fucking soul-stomping behemoth that is 19. Let's ice this chapter quickly.

Disclaimer: I do not own One Piece.

Warning: This fic is rated M, for Mature.

- Spoony Spoonicus
I think we've officially exhausted every possible joke about these headings, so let's just move on.

Chapter 18: The Daughter of Atlantis

- Miles Edgeworth
I knew it. Kill me now. And cremate me afterward so the author doesn't try anything with my corpse.

Ace sighed in relief as Wrath and the two girls disappeared. He then turned to face the others.


“Ace you bastard!” Zoro growled as he lunged at Ace. “You let him get away!”


Ace put his hands up in front of him in a defensive gesture. “Wow wow wow you got it all wrong. Just let me explain.”


“There is nothing to explain, Captain Sloth.” Zoro sneered as he prepared to launch one of his deadly three-sword attacks.


Uh oh... Ace was thinking as he watched Zoro. Some guys just won’t listen to reason. “Well, if you insist. I’ll just have to beat some sense into you then!” Ace was beginning to summon his Fire Fire Fruit power as a red-tinged aura began to surround him. Zoro likewise was being surrounded by a blue-tinged energy.

- Avatar
Now all they have to do is start screaming and grunting and we'll have officially entered Dragonball Z.

- clobberpuppy
Or Cho Aniki.

- Avatar
Same thing, really.

Ace was preparing to attack Zoro when...


“ZZzzzzzzzzzzzzz.”

- clobberpuppy
This story's so boring even the characters are falling asleep!

A trickle of sweat formed on Zoro’s brow. Ace had fallen asleep and now lay at his feet.

- Dudley
This is shit, the trigger for Ace's narcolepsy is when he's eating.

Zoro sheathed his sword unwilling to cut down a sleeping opponent, he did have his honor after all.


“The bastard had the nerve to fall asleep in the middle of a battle.” Zoro complained.


Sanji looked sympathetic, but couldn’t seem to wipe the silly grin off his face as Talika hung from his arm.

- Sturm
By a noose.

“Maybe we should hear the guy out.”


If looks could kill...

- Alys Brangwin
One glance at this fanfic would put us all in the grave.

Zoro glared back at Sanji. “You have got to be kidding me. He is obviously the enemy. He works for Captain Wrath...and now Nami and Vivi have been taken hostage by that madman.”


“But why would Ace ally himself with such a guy...there must be some sort of logical explanation for everything that is going on...it’s all so strange.”


“There is a logical explanation.” Came an unexpected voice. The Straw Hats turned to face a now fully awake Ace. “If you would all hear me out that is.”


Melody stepped forward. “I for one am curious as to what this man has to say. It would be irrational to start any unnecessary fights.”

- Spoony Spoonicus
Says the woman who spent four pages fighting Nami when she could have just used her illusory powers to drive her to attempted suicide at any time.

Melody looked pointedly at Zoro, who flinched and let his shoulders sag. He had been itching for a rematch too.

- Alys Brangwin
Trying to compensate for something?

“Right, well, it all begins with that day...the day Luffy got that scar under his right eye...”

- Commander Ladd
It was the LEFT eye. But then, basic character traits were never this author's forte.

- Avatar
Even worse is the fact that the author's probably come up with her own stupid origin for the scar.

- Spoony Spoonicus
Yep. And it's so mind-numbingly retarded that I momentarily considered drinking cyanide upon reading it.

Ace was saying...


Several moments later Ace was finishing his story.


“And that’s why I joined Captain Wrath, it was in Luffy’s best interests.”


Everyone was in shock at what they had just heard...it was all so crazy and yet it made perfect sense.


“But what could Wrath possibly want with Nami and Vivi?” Chopper burst out with.

- Sturm
With what?

- clobberpuppy
With a mouthful of crumbs!

“I can answer that.” Came a soft, feminine voice.


The Straw Hats turned to see none other than Tashigi of the Marines.

- Joseph Joestar
How many characters is she going to bring into this mess? Damn!

- Miles Edgeworth
Taking bets on who's next for the killing floor.

- clobberpuppy
Gimme ten bucks on Franky!

- Avatar
Five on Hina.

- Commander Ladd
Oh lord, no. We know what she'll be doing.

- Dudley
Fifty on Paulie, because she's probably the type to shit a brick over how awesome Paulie was in Water 7 and went on and on about how he was obviously the next crew member.

“You?! What the hell are you doing here?” Zoro blurt out, earning surprised looks from all those present.


“I came here investigating some rather odd rumors having to do with the lost city of Atlantis.” Tashigi was saying as she stepped forward. “And it seems I was right to investigate...the world as we know it could be in serious danger.”


ooo

- Spoony Spoonicus
Alright, I'm tapped on "ooo" jokes too. Let's just skip it.


Things couldn’t be more confusing for poor Luffy. He had managed to pursue Wrath along with Vivi and Nami, but now he felt as though he were watching a dream...or perhaps a nightmare he couldn’t wake up from.

- Dudley
HAHA! He figured it out!

What was this familiar feeling that seemed to haunt him and make him nervous. Was there something about this whole situation that he should somehow figure out. Nami...his Nami would know but for some reason she seemed to be avoiding him.

- Sturm
Figure it out yourself for once so we can resolve this stupid plot and go home.

- Shredder
No shit. My leg shackles are really starting to hurt.

Luffy looked over longingly in Nami’s direction. She was there with Captain Wrath. Wrath had taken them to a strange underground chamber where there were ancient ruins and from the looks of things the place hadn’t been set foot in for hundreds of years. There was a slight film of dust on everything and an aura of solace about the place. The place would have been completed immersed in the darkness if it wasn’t for the florescent moss that seemed to make the walls and every inch of stone glow with an eerie green light.


Luffy didn’t like the way he saw Wrath looking at Nami, his look was possessive and filled with desire.

- Miles Edgeworth
This shouldn't surprise you by now - every fucking character acts this way around her.

He clenched his fists in anger. He was about to go give Wrath a piece of his mind when he felt a soft, gentle hand on his shoulder. He turned around to see Vivi. She was looking back at him with an odd expression on her face - confused, trusting, searching,...and loving?


“Luffy...I need to speak with you.” Were Vivi’s gentle words.

- Dudley
"Let's go scrogg in the back room. Fuck Nami."
"Sorry, but I can't get it up unless they'res a flayed-open corpse nearby. Go gut somebody and get back to me."

Luffy looked back at Nami who was still ignoring him and nodded his assent. Vivi took Luffy’s hand in hers and he did not resist as she pulled him along out of the main chamber and to an offshoot where they could be alone.


Right when Luffy was going to ask Vivi what she needed to talk to him about Vivi had already spun Luffy around towards her and had pressed her lips desperately against his own. Luffy was in complete shock so he didn’t respond but nor did he pull away. His mind was chaos. Vivi...is kissing me. Vivi is kissing me...kissing...her soft, sweet lips are so soft, so luscious. Before Luffy realized what he was doing he was wrapping his arms around Vivi and bringing her closer to him.

He had needed this - this closeness. He had been avoiding Nami ever since they had been together

- Alys Brangwin
A few seconds ago you said she was avoiding you. Which is it?

because of this fear inside of him that he couldn’t get rid of that he might end up hurting her somehow. But his intense desire for her had remained, like sweet torture every time he would see her so close and yet so far away. And now as he felt Vivi’s soft breasts pressing against his hard chest he was just about ready to lose himself in the moment.

- Alys Brangwin
She couldn't even wait until Wrath was defeated to get into Luffy's pants? What a whore.

- Spoony Spoonicus
It's been said dozens of times by now, but everyone's priorities in this story are way the hell out of whack.

- Avatar
So who's the bigger whore, Nami for fucking hundreds of people or Vivi for wanting some cock RIGHT NOW?

- Sturm
I'm going with Nami, considering the horrible places and situations she's fucked Luffy in.

Was this what he wanted? He never noticed that Vivi felt this way about him. Vivi...was...what exactly? His friend...his nakama. But obviously she wanted to be something more...a girlfriend or...even his lover. Lover...love...this wasn’t the woman he loved. The woman he loved was Nami...right?

- Joseph Joestar
Could have fooled me, considering she's in incredible danger one room over and you're screwing around with Bimbo here.

As Luffy kissed and caressed Vivi Luffy’s thoughts were filled with her - his orange-haired navigator. Her touch, her voice, her heated caresses. The day he first met her, how she had burned her hands putting out the cannon’s wick to save his life. And then later when she had woken him up to fight Captain Kuro, she had injured herself fighting. He had hated seeing her like that so...vulnerable. The feeling, this inexplicable, unknowable, unimaginable feeling that he had when he was around Nami had only continued to grow...


He remembered her there in the dirt stabbing her own arm and screaming Arlong’s name. His heart had clenched painfully in his chest...He remembered how she had gotten sick and even so she had been willing to sacrifice herself for Vivi’s cause. He had swelled with pride and that -other- emotion again.

- Spoony Spoonicus
I have to wonder how the author seems to have read so much One Piece, and yet her written story casually discards almost every established character trait and plot point.

- Sturm
Except the ones having to do with violence, sex and angst, of course.

He had tried so hard to make her smile, to see that smile he loved to see, longed to behold again. He had failed. He would do anything to get that smile he loved back.

- Alys Brangwin
So walk the whole ten feet to the door and put your fist in Wrath's face.

He had fought through the harsh wind and snow for that smile. And when he finally came to, and saw her again there it was, like the sun shining through wintry clouds. That smile. He would do anything for it.

- Avatar
Yeah, you just said that three sentences ago. So why are you still here?

- SCUMM Engine
WHATIS > WRONGWITHYOU
FIX > PRIORITIES
GOTO > DOOR

- Dudley
I get like this when I'm high. Ill just sit there and my mind will wander down one path for like fifty miles, and then I'll snap out of it and remember im sitting in front of the DVD player with the drawer hanging open and an Aqua Teen DVD still in my hand.

He had made a promise after all, to never steal her smile. He would die keeping that promise.

- Spoony Spoonicus
FOR FUCK'S SAKE. STOP REPEATING THIS SHIT OVER AND OVER AGAIN AND GO TO THE GODDAMN DOOR. GO. FUCKING GO OR I'LL THROW YOU THROUGH IT. GO!

He remembered the day Nami had gotten mad at him for ruining a map she was making out of special paper...it had broken his heart when she threw those harsh words at him. Her dream...he had stepped over it. He would never forgive himself and was still trying to make that up to her.


The only way he could really make it up for her was to continue trying to make her dreams come true as best he could. Their adventures together continued...through the sandy desert of Arabasta...to the first time he got to see Nami naked...

- Commander Ladd
Don't tell me she's making a plot point out of a throwaway gag.

he remembered the conversation he had had to have with her after that.

- Commander Ladd
Oh god, she is.

Flash back...


“Nami...I need to speak with you.” Luffy was saying beside a campfire.


“Shoot.” Nami said in a nonchalant tone.


“Alone.” Luffy explained earning a raised eyebrow from Nami.


“O..k.” She hesitated before standing up and letting Luffy lead her away from camp. Sanji and Zoro shooting curious glances their way.

- Spoony Spoonicus
Just in case you forgot they were there and lusting after Nami at every possible turn.

“What’s this all about, Luffy?” Nami said suddenly turning to face him. “Why can’t the others hear...” Luffy had surprised Nami by bringing her into his arms for a close embrace. Nami was about to pull away and bonk him over the head when she noticed that he was trembling. “Luffy?”


“Never again Nami...promise me.” Luffy said in a low voice.


“Luffy what are you talking about?”


“Nami...you know, when you showed us...you know...and you said it cost us 10,000 belis?” Luffy whispered.

- Spoony Spoonicus
It was 100,000, actually.

- Avatar
Which poses another question: If it was 100 grand a pop just to flash them shouldn't doing someone cost about 100 million? She'd have her village freed in one swoop!

- Spoony Spoonicus
And since apparently Luffy didn't know what a boner was until a month ago, we must question what he was doing playing Peeping Tom in the first place.

- Sturm
It sure is fun when a fanfic's logic self destructs, isn't it?

- Miles Edgeworth
"Pathetic" is the word I'd choose.

“Oh is that what this is all about? Well, if you want another look you can just-” Luffy pulled back away from Nami and looked at her in shock. And suddenly Nami felt guilty as well.

- Commander Ladd
More likely she'd just tell him to fuck off and boot him in the head. You know, like she's done dozens of other times?

“Do you think 10,000 belis is all its worth?”

- Dudley
Luffy DOES seem like the type of guy to leave a generous tip.

Luffy asked her with such a penetrating stare Nami blushed and looked down. “Well, it’s not worth it. It’s not even close to what it’s worth. That...is priceless. Never again Nami...promise me. Never again.”


“Luffy...I promise. I’m sorry too.” Nami said as she hung her head and tears came to her eyes. Why had she done that really? Was that her past coming back to haunt her? Could she never escape what she really was - a whore?!

- SOUND FX


- Loudass Frat Boy
awwwwwwwwwwwwww hell no! man you cannot escape your bitch wayz

End of Flashback.


There it had been, that odd behavior of hers. Now it all made sense since now Luffy knew the truth...she had been a whore.

- Miles Edgeworth
"Had Been"? Hardly.

Before he wouldn’t have understood but now...after having been with her Luffy understood what it was to be with a woman. To have their naked flesh pressed up against you, to enter her, to taste her. Oh, he knew. And how he hated the thought that anyone besides him had been with Nami. How he wanted to rip anyone who had even so much as touched a single hair on her head to shreds.

- Miles Edgeworth
Pretty hypocritical considering the crap he's put her through with his frequent rape and now having sex with Vivi WHILE ONE ROOM AWAY.

Of course, that would have to include Shanks...Shanks...he didn’t even want to think of that.


Suddenly, as he breathed in the scent of the woman in his arms a chill went down his spine. This wasn’t his orange-scented navigator this was princess Vivi. Luffy opened his eyes in shock at what he had just done. He looked down to see that neither he nor Vivi were clothed.

- Dudley
The room was spinning and he swore up and down that Zoro was making all that racket four rooms away just to make his headache worse.

They were lying next to each other on the ground, naked, Vivi’s arms wrapped possessively around him. What had he just done..?! He was about to pry himself away from Vivi when he heard a startled gasp.


He looked up to see Nami standing in the doorway to the chamber a shocked and betrayed expression on her face.


“Nami?!” Luffy cried but Nami had already bolted.

- Shredder
Right off to kill herself, presumably.

- Avatar
Don't tell me Wrath just conveniently vanishes whenever they start to fuck too.

ooo


Behind Tashigi were several Atlantean guards, but these appeared different from the ones that the Straw Hats had seen thus far. They wore a different sort of uniform all white with touches of blue whereas the others ones they had seen wore robes of black with gold accents.

- Megido
Yet another fact that should have been revealed earlier.

“Who are they Tashigi?” Zoro questioned coming up to her.


“You really are clueless aren’t you. Don’t you have any idea of the civil unrest...the threat that Atlantis is suffering from. I will assume from your blank expression that you have no idea what the hell I’m talking about.

- Joseph Joestar
Whoa whoa, there's enough haughty bitches in this story already!

Atlantis has been taken over by a deadly pirate named Captain Wrath. The men you see behind me are part of the Resistance that has formed against Wrath’s rule. But more importantly they are Protectors of the secret of Atlantis, a secret which Captain Wrath plans to exploit in order to take over the world.”

Everyone looked to Ace expectantly as if he had failed to clue them in on something rather important. Ace bashfully scratched the back of his neck. “Well...I knew Wrath was up to something like this but he said something about lacking the key needed to unlock Atlantis’ secret. So really there’s nothing to worry about.”


“Wrong.” Tashigi said shaking her head. “This key...happens to actually be a person. She’s a princess actually, and no I do not mean princess Vivi.

- Sturm
I can hardly contain my shock.

It was 18 years ago when Atlantis gave birth to their princess, Tsunami.

- Spoony Spoonicus
An exquisitely tasteless name.

But along with her birth there was a prophecy surrounding it...there was an ill-fated star shining down on the princess’ birth apparently.

- clobberpuppy
Some asshole sword crashed through the heavens and broke it into seven pieces!

According to the prophecy she would bring about the downfall of the entire world.”

- Dudley
That's fucking it. I'm tracking the author down and slitting my own throat right in front of her, gurgling out "thisiskkk iskgh yourrkggh falulgghht" before I pass on.

- clobberpuppy
The man's got a plan!

“We, the Protectors of the secret of Atlantis, knew for a fact that the princess Tsunami would somehow be able to unlock the deadly secret of our ancestors and in doing so cover the world in a blanket of darkness and chaos. From the prophecy we knew that this day would come on her 19th birthday, and so it was our job to carry out the princess’ death sentence...” One of the Protectors was saying. “However...it appears one of us failed in their mission since according to Tashigi the princess Tsunami is very much alive.


“The one who had been assigned to kill her was a fierce merman, who turned pirate. We have not heard of his whereabouts since.”


“The princess...as you might have already guessed is none other than your navigator, Nami.” Tashigi informed them. “And the man who had been assigned to kill her...Arlong.”


“Nami?! Arlong?!” The Straw Hats simultaneously blurted. It was almost too much to take in.

- Miles Edgeworth
Especially because it MAKES NO FUCKING SENSE WHATSOEVER.

- Spoony Spoonicus
So he was hired to kill Nami, but didn't? Instead he took over her village, killed her mother, whored her out for pennies, genetically experimented on her and then was going to have her bear his child?

Forget what I've said about the rest of the cast, Arlong might just be the character the author has laid to waste the hardest.

- Sturm
Dear author won't rest until she's turned every character into a pedophile or a disgusting nympho.

“Nami-swaaan.” Sanji moaned. “Is the key to the destruction of the world...that would make her then...our enemy.”

- Alys Brangwin
Good to know you value your friendship so highly that you'd throw it away at the word of someone you barely know.

Silence followed Sanji’s ominous words.


ooo


Nami ran and ran she didn’t know where her feet were taking her but she felt guided nonetheless by an unseen force. She knew -he- was chasing her. She bit her lip to keep from crying out in anger. She wanted it to be Luffy who would chase after her not Wrath.


As she nearly tripped she was forced to look up and saw where her feet had taken her - the Going Merry. Nami quickly climbed the rope ladder and made her way aboard. She felt herself drawn to her room and made her way inside. She was slightly surprised to see the wardrobe with both its doors open revealing the mirror within...and there in its reflection was her...or her other self.

- Avatar
So this strangely benevolent killer mirror is going to result in some big turning point in the plot?

- Dudley
Honestly man, I was hoping the author forgot about it entirely. Plot holes are better than retarded plot twists any day of the week.

“It’s you.” Nami greeted.


“I’ve been waiting for you.” Her other self greeted her. “It is time Nami...allow me to free you.”


“I do...want to be free.” Nami choked out as tears began to stream down her face. She couldn’t take it anymore. Her past...it had been her undoing as she had known all along it would be. Luffy had found out and rejecting her had found what he needed in the arms of another. Luffy no longer needed nor wanted her. Nami clenched his fists, her nails digging into her palms until she drew blood.

- Spoony Spoonicus
Honestly, how many times are you going to use that line? I've counted at least four.

She would be free...free from her dark past...free from him...from everything. This was what she had wanted all along.


Nami walked towards the mirror as the reflection of her other self reached out her arms as if to embrace her.

- Sturm
Such a spooky and mysterious way of solving one's problems when a flintlock pointed at the temple would work just as well.

ooo


“Don’t be ridiculous.” Came a calm voice. Everyone looked up to see Shanks, who was still suspended from the cross. “And uh, can someone please get me down from here already! geesh!”


Zoro wasted no time and with a few quick slashes of his sword made mince meat of the bonds and the cross that had held Shanks.

- clobberpuppy
Mince-rope pie. Delicious!

“Thanks for that,” Shanks said as he brushed himself off. “Nami is not our enemy-”

- Miles Edgeworth
At least someone in this story has some common sense.

- Avatar
It's not going to last.

- Miles Edgeworth
I know.

One of the Protectors was about to disagree when Shanks silenced him with a deadly look that promised much pain should the Protector continue speaking. “Nor will she ever be. We have to believe in her...and in Luffy. But first things first we have to find them before Wrath manages to unlock the power of Atlantis. Tashigi do you have any idea where they might be?”


Tashigi nodded. “Yes...there can be only one place - the lost ruins of the Temple of Mother Nature.”


“And luckily I, Raiden,

- Spoony Spoonicus
Will knock you all down!

- clobberpuppy
Will dance on your grave!

- Commander Ladd
Have chosen you to respresent the realm in Mortal Kombat.

know of these ruins whereabouts.” Informed one of the Protectors.

- clobberpuppy
It's underneath Strut B of the Big Shell!

“Good.” Shanks nodded. “Take us there, post haste.”

- Spoony Spoonicus
That phrase just sounds weird to me coming out of any mouth but Earthworm Jim's.

ooo


Luffy wanted to leave Vivi and go after Nami but Vivi had him in a vice grip. He looked back at Vivi’s pleading eyes and felt awful for what he just did to her...he had used her, his friend. He felt ashamed of himself and somehow he couldn’t get the guilty feelings he could normally ignore to go away. He felt the weight of his actions upon his own shoulders for once and he felt like he would die.

- Dio Brando
Well someone had better, I'm getting really sick of these idiots.

Luffy and Vivi dressed and in an awkward silence waited for Nami and Wrath to return.

- Dudley
Did they go on a smoke break or something?

Why were they just sitting their waiting so calmly, and patiently for that madman to return Luffy wondered. Shouldn’t they be planning some sort of escape or rescue mission for his beloved Nami?

- Alys Brangwin
You really need to ask?

But as he looked back at Vivi and the calm expression she wore as she patiently waited he was filled with doubts. He too decided to wait.


He didn’t need to wait very long however before Wrath entered the ruins once more with Nami...on his arm.


Luffy’s eyes widened as he took in the sight of her. She looked...different. But it wasn’t only her clothes that had changed, which they had,

- Megido
So redundant it's physically wounding me.

she was now wearing a long black leather dress that clung to her delicate curves sensually, she was wearing makeup too, Nami never wore makeup, Luffy frowned. She had blush dusted on the apples of her cheeks and she had painted her lips in a deadly red.

- Commander Ladd
Yeah, we've been over this already. EIGHT chapters ago.

It was the look in her eyes that worried Luffy the most. It wasn’t the same look he was used to seeing when he stared deeply into Nami’s eyes...these eyes were hollow and unforgiving, knowledgeable and street smart, deadly and sensual.

- clobberpuppy
One of these things is not like the others! One of these things doesn't belong!

- Spoony Spoonicus
Well what do you know, she found a thesaurus. Pity she has no idea how to actually use it.

His Nami’s eyes before had been, hopeful, innocent, kind, caring, fun.

- Megido
So very unlike the rest of her.

What had happened to her? What had Wrath done to her? Had he brainwashed her or something?!


“Wrath?!” Luffy accused. “What the hell have you done to Nami?”

- Dudley
"I took her out for a nice lobster dinner. What have you ever done for her, prick?"

Wrath simply chose to blatantly ignore him, like he wasn’t even there. “Nami, my dear, who would have thought that you would be the key to my utmost desires. It was fate, you see, that brought us together, wouldn’t you agree?”


“Yes,” Nami smiled back at Wrath with a flirtatious grin. Nami wrapped her arms around Wrath’s neck and brought his face closer to hers. “Fate.”


Luffy’s heart clenched in his chest as Nami neared her lips to Wrath’s. Wrath removed his mask so that he could feel Nami’s lips pressed against his own. Luffy turned his head away, he couldn’t bear to watch as the two of them kissed.


“Soon...my dear, very soon. The dawn of the new day of your birthday will signal

- clobberpuppy
Bob giving you a copy of Donkey Kong Junior Math!

the beginning of my greatest triumph!”

- Spoony Spoonicus
This sentence's grammar is mind-bendingly awful.

Wrath was saying to Nami as he led her around the ruins with her arm wrapped around his. He motioned over to a strange black obelisk, which was in the center of the chamber. “Here is where the offering shall take place. You see, it was your blood that awakened the forces in Atlantis left behind by your ancestors so that the city rose from its watery depths again.

- Dudley
The hell? This sentence is completely fucked. I can't fix it. I can comprehend whole paragraphs run through babelfish a few times, but man, this line. Jesus. The city was sunken, she was born, and this caused it to rise out of the ocean? It's in the ocean now isn't it?

- Sturm
There's no point in overanalyzing something written by this author. To do so may drive you mad.

That was only the beginning. Now...soon the time draws near. With you help, my love, the power of Atlantis will be awakened once again and together we shall take over the world!”

- Dudley
He's going to wake it up a second time? Like that scene in Pirates of the Carribean when Will Turner throws that second bucket of water on the dude with the wicked muttonchops?

- Spoony Spoonicus
I've seen a lot of implementations of the ol' sunken city, but never as a Big Dumb Object. An exceptionally poorly designed Big Dumb Object at that.

- Sturm
Any idiot who can get a drop of her blood can unleash terror on the entire planet? When will people learn that any biological component makes a really shitty key to an ultimate superweapon?

- Spoony Spoonicus
Especially since in this story gene therapy is in full swing and anyone can just brew up Nami DNA in a lab.

Nami smiled at Wrath’s masked face.


ooo


The Straw Hats made their way stealthily through the city led by the Protectors and Tashigi. They had the keep their presence well hidden lest they be discovered by Wrath’s minions. Now that the Straw Hats got the chance to see the city better Wrath’s influences upon it were now clearly visible.


The populous went about their business in a subdued almost haunted manner, looking behind them as if they expected an attack at any moment. Some would give the dark robed guards a neutral look as they passed but then their looks would turn to one of bloody murder when they thought they weren’t being watched.


In the town square was a statue which put all other doubts to rest that Atlantis was in the clutches of Captain Wrath. The statue was of none other than himself, robed extravagantly, and masked with that same strange drama mask complete with the strange mark under its left eye.

- Commander Ladd
This had better not be implying what I think it is.

But if it is, at least she got the eye right this time.

- Miles Edgeworth
He has to post his visage everywhere like Saddam Hussein just to drive home the point that he's a megalomaniac.

- Spoony Spoonicus
There is no such thing as subtlety in this story.

The city for the first time in hundreds of years now had the sun shining down upon its structures and people. It was during Nami’s battle against Bloodlust. The power that had been lying dormant in Atlantis’ structures and ruins, and old power spots, had answered Nami’s call for help and mysteriously the city had rose from the depths of the ocean and was once again as it should be, beneath the sun and sky.


Once above the ocean’s depths Nami had been able to call upon the power of nature to her aid. Only those of the royal linage of Atlantis were known to possess that power - the power to control nature.

- Avatar
Which, like most everything this story takes ages to explain out, we've already established from the context.

“It only confirms our suspicions.” Tashigi was saying as Zoro had finished his account of the battle that had taken place. “The Protectors knew as soon as the city began to rise that the Princess Tsunami had returned.”


“Everything is going along as the prophecy has bespoken...” Raiden said with a shake of his head. He then recounted the prophecy:


The Cry of the Daughter of Atlantis shall be answered,

The City of Nature shall once again be bathed in the light,

The Daughter shall bloom upon the dawn of the day of her birth,

The Power of Nature shall once again awaken by her wish,

Mother Nature will take back what is hers by blood rite,

The Earth shall be consumed by her power and its fate shall be decided by her will.

- Dudley
This. Is the SHITTIEST limerick.

“The princess must be dealt with if we are all to survive.” Raiden concluded.


Before Raiden could say more he was being hoisted into the air by the front of his shirt and looking back at a very angry Red-haired Shanks.

- clobberpuppy
"Wait a minute, you only have one arm. You can't do anything to me like this!"

“Nami will not be harmed. And besides if that is the so-called prophecy it seems a bit vague if you ask me...the fate of the earth will be decided by her will. That means it’s really up to Nami what happens for good or for bad. Nami...will not let us down. I am sure of it.”


“Hmph.” The Protector huffed. “I wish I had your confidence. Mother Nature, you know, is very fickle.”


“Mother Nature is also the womb from which we all came from, to nurture, to protect, that is mother nature’s duty. I believe in Nami.” Shanks said without a shred of doubt in his voice. “I also believe...that he will save her even if it has to be from herself.” And perhaps, they will end up saving each other as well...I can only hope. Luffy. Nami. Wait for us.


The Straw Hats continued their way until they came to what appeared to be a normal temple for prayer.


“The ruins lie beneath the temple.” Raiden informed him as he went inside. The Straw Hats followed after. The temple was a simple structure with stain glassed windows and cherry-wood pews. Raiden walked down the center aisle towards a marble statue of a goddess. The goddess somehow looked oddly familiar.


“Nami?” Zoro questioned looking at the delicate features of the statue.

- Miles Edgeworth
Being a whoring thieving angsty weather controlling princess just wasn't enough for Nami Sue. Now we have to put up with her as a goddess too.

- Spoony Spoonicus
It's things like this that make me glad to be agnostic-leaning-atheist.

- Chuck the Plant
It's official, Nami is now every type of Mary Sue at the same time. An Uber-Sue, if you will.

“Although we know the Mother shall bring about the destruction of the world there are still those who respect as well as fear her ways. Some believe that the path to salvation is through prayer and perhaps Mother Nature’s mercy. A load of bull if you ask me. She will wipe us out, I’m sure of it. Women and their fickle hearts are not to be trusted.”

- Alys Brangwin
Is there any male character in this story besides Luffy who doesn't wear their hate of women on their sleeve?

Raiden caught himself from going further as he felt many angry eyes on his back. He cleared his thoat.“Anyways, shall we.” Raiden stepped forward and touching his hand to the outstretched hand of the goddess pressed down on it.


The goddess sank back into the wall to reveal a hole beneath where she was. A staircase was there leading downwards.


“It is here...” Raiden said. “The Entrance to the Temple of Mother Nature. Or what’s left of it anyways.”

- Dudley
"We've converted a lot of it into storage garages."

The Straw Hats did not hesitate and they made their way down the steep steps and into the unknown.


ooo


To be continued...


A big thank you goes out to my devoted fans!

- Spoony Spoonicus
And a big "your story is atrocious and you should be ashamed" goes out to you from all the Lardpirates!

 

 

- Chuck the Plant
It has come to our attention that many unfortunate souls have stumbled upon this story while searching for One Piece fan fiction (or One Piece hentai). All we can say is that we apologize for assaulting your eyes with this abomination.

As for those who came here searching for this specific story, all we can ask is "what the fuck is wrong with you"?

- Spoony Spoonicus
Another thankfully short chapter building up to the endless pile of stupid that is Chapter 19. But stick with it, fellow hecklers - we're only three chapters from the end.

Disclaimer: I do not own One Piece


Warning: This fic is rated M, for Mature.

- Angry Video Game Nerd
How about F for Fuck Balls?!


Chapter 17: In the Closed Hand of Darkness...

30 seconds until Shank’s scheduled execution...

- Spoony Spoonicus
Apparently there's a Jumbotron in the room conveniently keeping track for them.

- clobberpuppy
Entering Drrraaaaaaagggggooooooooonnnnnbbbbbbbbaaaaaaaaaaallllllllll Tttttttttiiiiiiiiiimmmmmmmeeeeeee!

Suddenly out of the corner of her eye she noticed something. Someone else had arrived on the scene...


The first thought that ran through Nami’s mind was ‘it’s him!’ for surely it had to be none other than CaptainWrath, leader of the Seven Deadly Pirate Kings, coming to execute Shanks.


But then -


“Ace?!” Luffy’s voice cried out from within the confines of his Sea Stone cage.

- Commander Ladd
Great, yet another person the author's going to ruin within minutes.

Nami’s eyes focused on Ace as he waltzed into the room. Luffy was right, it was his older brother, Portagus D. Ace. That same hat upon his head, his bare chest and back that bore the mark of...wait a minute...the mark on Ace’s back had changed. It was no longer the mark of White Beard, one of the most feared pirate’s in all of the grand line, but instead was the image of a white mask that had dark hollow eyes and mouth as well as strange mark under its left eye.

- Avatar
Didn't even wait one paragraph!

‘Ace?’ Nami wondered bewildered. ‘What could this mean? Is Ace...Wrath?!’


“Hello, bro,” Ace said as he casually sauntered up to stand right outside of Luffy’s prison. “Long time no see.”


“Ace what are you doing here?” Luffy questioned, there was a tinge of worry in his voice.


“Well...” Ace said looking over to where Shank’s was strung up. He then looked down at his watch. “It’s almost time, you see, for Shank’s execution.”


“What are you...saying? You’re not...” Luffy trailed off looking back at Ace with wide eyes.


Ace looked at him seriously for a moment before bursting out laughing. He laughed so hard and so long tears trickled out of his eyes. He calmed himself and wiped the tears away with his calloused thumbs.

- Dudley
Ape-like creatures with CRINKLED hands!

- Commander Ladd
Everyone in this story has calloused hands. What the hell are they doing all the time?

- Spoony Spoonicus
Knowing the author, jerking themselves raw.

- Sturm
In public.

- Joseph Joestar
For nickels.

“Oh, that’s rich, Luffy. But no, I can assure you I am not Captain Wrath.”

- Spoony Spoonicus
Well good. Ruining Ace would have been inexcusable.

“But then why are you here?” Luffy pressed on.


“Well, it seems the star of this little play is late for the grand finale. A fact which must be amended.” Ace said with a smirk as he summoned his devil’s fruit power of the Fire Fire Fruit and set his right hand on fire. Nami gasped in surprise as Ace brought his hand down upon the Sea Stone cage shattering it to bits within seconds.

- Spoony Spoonicus
Seeing as how his abilities also stem from Devil Fruit, that would just leave him as drained and powerless as Luffy.

Ace then held out his hand to help Luffy up from the rubble.


Luffy looked back at the offered hand in surprise before accepting it and allowing his brother to help him up.


“Younger brothers...always making us older brother’s worry.” Ace said shaking his head.


“Gee, thanks Ace, I don’t know how I would have gotten out of there.” Luffy said scratching the back of his neck bashfully.


Vivi was equally thankful as she wrung her own bloodied hands that had been hurt from her futile efforts of trying to free Luffy.

- Miles Edgeworth
Brilliant job on that, by the way.

She offered Ace a warm smile before she bowed, “I must thank you for-”


Vivi’s words caught in her throat as Ace unexpectedly knocked Luffy out using a swift karate chop to the back of his head.

- Spoony Spoonicus
Spoke too soon.

- Commander Ladd
There is truly no sacred ground in the realm of fan fiction.

- Avatar
Hey, a karate chop wouldn't hurt Lu-

- Spoony Spoonicus
Let it go. Just let it go.

Nami gasped in shock.


Luffy briefly felt the pain in the back of his neck before his vision started to fade and then all he saw was darkness...


Darkness...

- Miles Edgeworth
Got it the first time.

Luffy groaned as he began to come to. His head felt like it was going to split open. He raised a hand to his forehead, and slowly began to open his eyes. He quickly took in the surrounding around him, “Where?...” Luffy trailed off. And then he remembered. “Ace?!” Luffy was quickly on his feet. “Ace you bastard what the hell did you do that for?!”

- Sturm
Because falling unconscious for any length of time turns you into a murdering psychopath, whom the author has already implied (with such masterful use of tact and subtlety) is the main villain of the story.

His eyes quickly scanned the area for his brother. Zoro had resumed his fight with Mihawk, Chopper and Ussop still had their hands full with Melody, Sanji seemed to be running from...ah, Talika. And where was Nami?!


Luffy saw a blur of orange and turned to see her.


There she was running from Bloodlust who was hot on her heels, and there nearby watching the scene was his brother Ace. “Ace!” Luffy started but then stopped noticing that someone was standing next to him. ‘Could it be...?’ Luffy wondered as he took in the appearance of this new arrival. It was a tall man all dressed in black from head to toe -

- Tall Man
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOY.

black shirt, black pants, black leather boots that went to his knees, and black hair.

- Miles Edgeworth
A fetishistic fashion sense and a Bible buzzword for a name - the hallmark of any great villain.

Luffy looked up to see the man’s face but then realized the man was wearing a mask. Where had he seen that image before? Luffy shook her head. The mask was much like a drama mask but the expression on it was one of pure malice. Luffy couldn’t see past the eye holes...


Luffy was suddenly filled with the utmost respect for this man. The way he carried himself, the way he dressed, his mere presence, the way he felt...it was so...Luffy shook his head this was no time for him to be impressed!


Luffy turned back to see what the two men had been watching so intently. It seemed that Nami had stopped her flight and was prepared to face Bloodlust head on.

- clobberpuppy
She'd just remembered that she was also a master of Hokuto Shinken!

- Spoony Spoonicus
I was going to say "sadly, I wouldn't rule it out", but that would mean our author had actually watched a decent anime.

- Miles Edgeworth
I assume the dual implication there is that she's never watched One Piece.

- Commander Ladd
I was under the impression that she just skimmed a few Wikipedia articles and then filled in the blanks with Looney Tunes and Inuyasha.

Nami’s senses tingled.

- Sturm
Now she's Spider-Man.

- clobberpuppy
Except stupid and without any cool powers!

There was something about this particular spot in the room where she felt safe, more confident, like she almost had a chance of winning.

- Spoony Spoonicus
She'd taken to using the trick of camping near the save point so she could get free healing between each battle.

Nami’s hair stirred and she had to tuck an errant stray hair behind her ear. What had caused it? A breeze. But from where? Nami looked up and realized she had come to stand under the shattered dome which was now open to the sky outside. It was sunset and the clouds were streaked with deep orange and red hues.

- Miles Edgeworth
Amazingly the room still hadn't flooded and killed them all, since they were miles underwater.

The open sky...the sight of it above her filled Nami with something...familiar. She remembered this feeling of be in tune with nature.

- Queequeg
If you in tune with nature I the white whale, freak woman!

- Megido
Your grammar is like a dagger to the groin, slowly twisting.

She remembered instances when she was little where she could just -feel- that it would rain. She was a natural weather forecaster and because of that she had started to dream about using this strange talent of hers to navigate the seas. The sea - a place that was supposed to be the most unpredictable place when it came to weather. A place that was supposedly impossible to predict, to call, to understand.


But Nami was up to the challenge. She would beat the sea at its game. She would use her skill to predict storms and cyclones and any other strange and unknown things the open sea could produce. She would become the greatest navigator in the world. But to pursue this dream she would have to know about maps and so from early on she studied them until they fascinated her so much that she began to create them herself. Soon her dream melded into drawing a map of the entire world while being a navigator aboard a ship.


Nothing would get in her way, especially not the weather, this she was sure of. The weather...


Weren’t there instances where when she cried...it had rained?


Weather had an influence upon her but did she perhaps have an influence on it?

- Spoony Spoonicus
I'm speechless. I truly am. I actually have nothing to say.

- Joseph Joestar
...

- Alys Brangwin
...

- Avatar
...

- Miles Edgeworth
...

- Spoony Spoonicus
I don't know what you're waiting for.

- Dudley
This is now a Super Mario RPG fanfic, starring Mallow.

Impossible? Nami shook her head as she looked back down at Bloodlust who was standing before her. She couldn’t possibly hope to have aid in the weather could she? It was ludicrous. She was just trying to fill herself with false hopes. She was really a goner right? All her friends were fighting and she was on her own. She wasn’t worthy of anyone’s help anyways,

- Avatar
More really forced angst. Give it a rest already.

or at least that’s how she felt at that moment...her past running up and finally catching a hold of her at last.


Nami stared back at Bloodlust and this confident smirk he wore. He had his arms nonchalantly crossed in front of him and he stared back at her condescendingly. He was just like all those other men...and she hadn’t forgotten what she had to endure while she was his prisoner aboard the Black Death, Bloodlust’s vessel. How she hated him...but as Shanks had told her once she would always have something in her heart for these men that came into her life,

- Spoony Spoonicus
It was called "Treponema pallidum" and it was really quite unpleasant.

that were one with her, even if her mind was against this, her heart could not be swayed.

- Alys Brangwin
Sounds like something your ex-boyfriend will say once he's done raping you.

But right then as she stared back at Bloodlust she was filled with a hatred so black and so dark it began to consume her. Her fear was replaced with this dark feeling until it overwhelmed her. She no longer felt scared and helpless...she felt vengeful. ‘This stupid insubordinate male shall pay for what he has done to me in the past!’ Nami was thinking to herself as she gritted her teeth.

- Alys Brangwin
Somehow I don't think "insubordiante" is the word you were looking for.

- clobberpuppy
Like Luffy, she also turns into Satan when suitably provoked!

Her body tingled, it was a similar feeling Nami got right before she sensed an approaching thunder storm. There was this static electricity in the air around her and instead of being afraid she embraced it.


Bloodlust watched Nami surprised when her look of fear turned into one of hatred. He then was even more surprised when an cackling energy seemed to be surrounding Nami,

- clobberpuppy
She'd been armed with the Canned Laughter attack, instantly able to make any man look like a fool!

enveloping her, making a chill go down his spine. Just what was this woman up to. He didn’t want to have to kill her. After all, he had been promised the wench by Captain Wrath himself. So what then? Bloodlust waited...

- Alys Brangwin
Leaving himself wide open to attack for whatever Nami is planning to do.

- The Guardian
To think I believed our HEROES were incompetent!

- Avatar
These chumps are no heroes of mine, red man.

- Spoony Spoonicus
I stand by my assertion at the start of Chapter 2: Nami is dumber than Luffy and Blood is dumber than both of them combined.

Nami let the power surround her, fill her...


Suddenly the crash of thunder was heard.


Everyone looked up startled to see that a turbulent storm was suddenly brewing outside mimicking Nami’s emotions at the moment.


Nami suddenly smiled back at Bloodlust who now wore an unreadable expression on his face. ‘Could this girl possess...’ Bloodlust’s thoughts were suddenly cut off as a giant thunderbolt came down through the broken dome and crashed down on top of him.


It was so sudden and so unexpected that Bloodlust didn’t even have a chance to leap out of the way...


Captain Wrath, who had been watching calmly from nearby, raised an eyebrow. ‘So the wench can control the weather...but then...could she be? The key! I have found the key!’

- Spoony Spoonicus
NO MORE FUCKING PLOT TWISTS! THIS CRAP HAS GONE ON LONG ENOUGH! JUST QUIT WHILE YOU'RE BEHIND!

Zoro was covered it cuts and bruises from his intense fight against Hawkeyes. How he hated the bastard and...well, just everything about him. His hold over Nami...his betrayal of his friends...this sort of guy just plain deserved to die. He looked back at Nami who was suddenly facing Bloodlust. He had respect for the woman now.

- Avatar
Lost his respect and gained it again. That's been, what, three times now?

- Miles Edgeworth
I predict five minutes before he lapses back into being a misogynistic asshole.

Before he had really just seen her as an untrustworthy woman but now...she was definitely a part of the crew and his friend. He noticed how throughout everything she had been worried about Luffy this entire time. Stealing glances in his direction as Vivi had been trying to free him, then going and trying to free him herself only to be thwarted by Bloodlust.


She cared for him, he couldn’t be blind to the fact any longer. And deep down Zoro had known all along. Those two...there was a special bond those two shared and for that reason when Hawkeyes was about to reveal to everyone Nami’s past Zoro had remembered Nami’s fear of what Luffy would think of her when he found out the truth.

- Spoony Spoonicus
Once more, if you know Luffy at all, you'd know this isn't something he'd care about in the slightest.

Zoro had thought that Luffy wouldn’t be able to figure out what it even meant but as he looked back at his Captain he wasn’t so sure, Luffy had changed, he was aware now, he would know.

And for that reason, he couldn’t let Hawkeyes survive. He would fight...to protect Nami’s honor.

- clobberpuppy
He learned honor from Japan!

- Alys Brangwin
What's stopping him from just shouting it out as they fight?

This was the first time he had ever really fought for someone other than himself. He usually was trying to prove a point, that he was the Greatest Swordsman in the World, but somewhere along the way his priorities had changed. He had never wanted friends but he had them now, friends that he wouldn’t trade for anything in the world. Now he understood why Sanji got so mad anytime some accused him of not being able to protect someone. Zoro would prove it now, to himself, that he could set his own needs aside for others, that he could...

- Avatar
In true Anime Hero fashion, he now easily wins the fight after this revelation.

Hawkeyes’ sword came down on a hard downward slash Zoro just barely managing to block the blow. This was no time for daydreaming. He had a fight to finish.


Zoro leapt backwards and took a deep breath. ‘For Nami...’ Zoro thought as he sheathed his other two swords and placed both of his hands onto Kuina’s sword and held the sword out before him.

- Loudass Frat Boy
faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaags

- Dudley
Zoro is terrible with one sword. He admits this himself. He's better off with NO swords than he is with ONE sword.

He then blocked everything else from his mind and concentrated on feeling. Feeling the force...the force that was in all living things...a call...and message. Once again he prepared himself to find the breath. There! Zoro opened his eyes and looked back at Hawkeyes as he lunged forward in attack.


Hawkeyes lunged forward at the same time his massive sword coming forward.


The two combatant’s swords clashed as they passed each other, each dealing their own, final and deadly attacks.


Zoro coughed blood, and sank to one knee. ‘I’m sorry Minna...’ He had failed.

- Sturm
Which is all a ruse since he ends up winning the match anyway.

Hawkeyes turned and smirked at Zoro. “Did you really think you could beat me? The Greatest Swordsman in the world!?” Hawkeyes began to laugh, a merciless, cold, bonechilling laugh.


Before suddenly...

- SOUND FX


Hawkeyes’s widened. “Impossible...” He said before suddenly his sword shattered into the air, silvery pieces of his sword catching in the glow of the candle light before falling to the floor like falling stars. Hawkeyes sunk to both of his knees as a large gash on his chest began to bleed. “Touche...you may have one the battle

- clobberpuppy
One The Battle to go!

- Spoony Spoonicus
It's WON. W-O-N.

boy, but have you won the war I wonder? THAT WOMAN NAMI WAS NOTHING BUT A WHORE WHEN I KNEW HER! YOUR SO-CALLED FRIEND IS NOTHING BUT A LOWCLASS WENCH THAT WILL HAVE SEX WITH ANYONE WITH ENOUGH BELIS TO CATCH HER INTEREST!

- Alys Brangwin
Apparently nothing.

Always save your trump card for last, Roronoa Zoro. ‘Till we meet again in hell!” Hawkeyes said before his eyes began glassy and he fell forward, a pool of his own blood forming around him. And in a small voice no one heard Hawkeyes’ last words here. “If I can’t have her noone will.”

Nami’s triumphant smirk was wiped from her mouth as soon as those words rang throughout the grand chamber. They knew...her friends knew...what she really was. And more importantly -he- knew. Nami briefly dared a glance in Luffy’s direction to see his shocked expression. Nami looked back at the pile of charred flesh that was Bloodlust. His body was twitching uncontrollably from the aftereffects of being struck by lightning head on. Nami almost didn’t notice when he began to force himself up off the floor. So preoccupied that her secret was out she didn’t notice the pale fist coming towards her before it was too late.


Nami was sent flying backwards as Bloodlust had dealt her a hard backhanded slap.

- clobberpuppy
"Whoop whoop whoop!" he shouted as Nami countered with an eye gouge, which he blocked with the edge of his hand.

Nami crumpled to the ground and stayed there having lost her will to fight.

Bloodlust calmly walked over to her and placed a pale hand around her neck before bringing her up off the ground to glare into her chocolate-brown orbs. “You will learn your place wench...you will become my third bride.

- clobberpuppy
Blood's a Mormon?

You should consider it quite an honor for the likes of you, whore. Now...come into the darkness with me, my pet. I will finally have what is rightfully mine.” Bloodlust lowered his head down and prepared to bite into Nami’s neck.


“Ahhhhh!!!!” Ussop cried as he just managed to dive out of the way from another of Melody’s powerful attacks. Damn that girl’s good. Ussop thought. No, correction scary. “Chopper why aren’t you fighting back?!” Ussop whined.


“But I don’t even know who she is...I don’t have anything against her.” Chopper countered in a distressed tone.


“Does that matter when someone is trying to kill you?!” Ussop asked in disbelief.


“Will you guys just hold still!” Melody growled. She was beginning to get frustrated with these two. Time and time again they skillfully managed to dodge all of her deadly attacks. They may be complete idiots but perhaps there was a little more that met the eye with those two.


- clobberpuppy
They were robots in disguise!

- Spoony Spoonicus
Author's Freudian slip, or is Melody supposed to be thinking this?

- Avatar
My money's on the former.

- Spoony Spoonicus
Likewise.

‘I will not underestimate them. Time to finish this! No one can escape from my illusion spell!’ “Song Song Illusion!” Melody exclaimed before playing a mysterious and lilting tune on her flute.

- Spoony Spoonicus
This concludes their non-disgusting contribution to the chapter.

“Talika! Can’t we discuss this?” Sanji cried as he jumped over the broken statue in his flight from Talika.


“Why don’t you stop and face me like a man you coward!” Talika spat as she lunged at him with her claws outstretched. Sanji was unable to get away in time and Talika’s sharp claws cut deeply into his back.


Sanji grunted from the pain as he bit back a scream. That sure as hell hurt! Sanji stumbled and fell. Talika was on top of him in seconds. Talika had already raised her hands again to strike Sanji with her claws when Sanji caught both of her wrists. They struggled on the ground rolling over for the upper hand before Sanji was on top of Talika, with her pinned underneath him. “You bastard get the hell off of me!” Talika growled she tried to buck Sanji off of her and was surprised when Sanji emitted a low groan. “You sick pervert.”

- Sturm
No shit. I'm an android and this is making me nauseous.

“You’re the one who was grinding your hips into mine.” Sanji looked down at her with a twinkle in his eye.

- Dudley
"I won't fight women, but rape ain't fightin' in my book!"

“Can’t you be serious for one second! I’m trying to kill you!” Talika spluttered back in shock.

- clobberpuppy
"Sthufferin' sthuccotash!"

“I know but...” Sanji sighed. “I still can’t fight you Talika. I really really don’t want to...and I know that deep down...you don’t want to fight me either.”


Talika blinked her eyes back at him. “What the hell are you talking about? I don’t-I couldn’t-how dare you!”


“Talika you didn’t kill me before and I don’t believe you’ll kill me now either. There’s good in you Talika...I saw it once and I can feel it.” Sanji said as he released Talika’s wrists and she quickly used this to her advantage to change positions with Sanji so that she was now on top of him placing him at her mercy. She raised her right hand preparing to deal the fatal blow and slit Sanji’s throat. “You’re crazy.” Talika breathed.

“No...I’m a gentleman till death. It’s an honor to die at the hands of such a beautiful woman like yourself Talika...I wonder if we had met under differant circumstances if we could have been lovers... well I guess you have to kill me now.” Sanji shut his eyes and waited.

- Spoony Spoonicus
Like forcing a round peg into a square hole with a sledgehammer, here comes the most contrived love scene in the universe.

Sanji flinched when he felt something hit his cheek...and then again...a wetness. Sanji opened his eyes to peer back up at Talika and was surprised to see that she was crying, her tears falling down onto his face. “Why? Why do you have such faith in me? Why do you even care?”


“Because...” Sanji smiled. “I’ve fallen in love with you.”

- Sturm
I'm at a loss for words here.

- Alys Brangwin
I have a few.

THIS IS THE STUPIDEST SCENE I HAVE EVER READ IN MY LIFE.

Talika bit her lip. “Oh Sanji...don’t you understand it’s too late for us now. I’m already...”

Sanji took Talika’s hands in his. “It’s never too late.” He told her seriously looking deeply into her eyes.


Talika smiled despite the tears that were still falling and was leaning in to kiss Sanji when all of a suddenly a strange feeling washed over her and then she let out a piercing scream.

- clobberpuppy
"Oh my GOD, I just realized I'm in the dumbest fanfic ever written!"

Over to his left Sanji heard Melody’s scream as well.


“What the hell just happened?” Sanji exclaimed standing up and looking around. Talika and Melody were now both convulsing on the floor the only thing that could have possibly affected the two of them would be...

- Joseph Joestar
They were both epileptic and someone neutralized them by turning on a nearby Nintendo.

Sanji’s eyes scanned the room for Bloodlust and was shocked at the site before him.


Nami was cowered on the floor in front of Bloodlust who had something sticking out of his back. Behind Bloodlust was none other than Captain Wrath. It seemed that Wrath had flung a blade...or was it a stake

- Spoony Spoonicus
Just can't stray from that cliché.

from a distance, impaling Bloodlust and by the looks of things finally putting an end to the Vampyre Pirate Captain.


Bloodlust’s body wasted away as it turned to ashes almost instantly, the silver stake having pierced his heart.


“I won’t let you harm the key in any way,” Wrath was saying as he came over slowly to pick up the stake from the top of a pile of ashes. He quickly stashed the stake away.


Luffy had watched the entire thing. Just as he was about to try and stop Bloodlust from biting Nami he had seen Wrath moving out of the corner of his eye. He had reached into his black shirt

- Avatar
Even the MAIN VILLAIN, who is so cool and incredibly efficient at killing, has never heard of a belt.

removed the silver stake and from nearly across the room had flung the stake at Bloodlust’s back. Dirty, that was, hitting your enemy from behind like that. But somehow that didn’t really bother Luffy.

- Miles Edgeworth
"Do it to your ally and it's A-OK."

The aim had been precise, it had pierced Bloodlust’s heart immediately. Wrath was a pro. Luffy couldn’t help himself from feeling impressed and awed. This man...this Captain Wrath was just like he sometimes envisioned how he would be when he was King of the Pirates.

- Spoony Spoonicus
(Has given up commenting and is simply banging his head on his desk)

- Avatar
Luffy envisioned himself as a sadistic, spree-killing rapist who stabs his own friends in the back and dresses like a reject from the movie Underworld?

But his feeling of elation soon turned to horror as he saw Wrath set his sites on the strung up form of Shanks.


Five seconds remaining...

- Miles Edgeworth
All of this chapter's events took place in only twenty-five seconds?

- clobberpuppy
Behold the marvel of Dragonball Time, where one minute can last up to seven episodes!

“Now it’s your turn.” Captain Wrath smiled as he calmly made his way over to Shanks. “Your time is up.”

Four...

- Avatar
Hey, he's still got four seconds. Which evens out to about eight minutes in this fic.

“Noooo!!!!” Luffy thought. He wanted to stop Captain Wrath, fight him, kill him, do something, but found that he was paralyzed. Something was holding him back. What was this feeling that Luffy rarely felt? Could it possibly be...fear?

- Avatar
But as with punching himself in the groin to subside an erection, all he had to do was hit himself in the head with a 2x4 a few times and it would go away.

Three...


Captain Wrath was cracking his knuckles as he came to stand right in front of Shanks, “This should take one good hit.”


Two...


Suddenly, there was a rush of air and Wrath was sent backwards, not skidding, nor flying, but Wrath was hard put to stay standing nevertheless.


One...

- Joseph Joestar
Is the loneliest number that you'll ever do!

- Spoony Spoonicus
Singular sensation, every single step you take!

“Hawk wave!” Came Zoro’s voice. He now stood between Wrath and Shanks.


‘Zoro.’ Luffy thought as a rush of relief filled him.


Just as Wrath would have moved forward he had to dodge a sudden blow to his head. “Collier!” It was Sanji. He came to stand next to Zoro. He then patted Zoro on the back a little harder than was necessary causing the swordsman to stumble forward. “You can let me handle it from here, Marimo.”


Zoro glared back, “Who do you think you’re calling a Marimo, Magic Brows. This is my fight.”


“You can barely stand.” Sanji shot back.

- Commander Ladd
Never stopped him before.

“Like I care.” Zoro growled.


“Now boys...” It was Talika. She was standing next to Sanji...and appeared to be differant than before.


Zoro raised an eyebrow at her. “Is she...?”


“Yep, both Talika and Melody became human again after Bloodlust was killed.” Sanji smiled back at her.

- Commander Ladd
I've never been less happy to see someone alive.

- Miles Edgeworth
What about Hitler?

- Commander Ladd
At least that resulted in one of the most memorable death scenes in gaming history. Probably a few lawsuits too.

- Sturm
He has a point. Mine wasn't even shown onscreen.

“But then where’s?-” Zoro was thinking as he looked around for Melody. He saw her seated on the floor looking at her pink fleshy hands in disbelief...they had been so cold, and deathly pale before and now she had new life again.


Ussop and Chopper weren’t too far away from her and by the looks of things were still trapped within an illusion.


“Oh Chopper...” Ussop was saying as he stared deeply into Chopper’s eyes.

- Sturm
Apparently now that the Clima-tact has been made obsolete, Usopp has gone back to being the author's object of scorn. By making him a gay zoophiliac pedophile, no less.

- Alys Brangwin
Does even one chapter pass in this piece of shit where we don't find out about someone's sexual deviancy?

“Ussoppe...

- Spoony Spoonicus
Seriously, what the hell is with this typo? You kept it consistent in every chapter before 16 and now you start spelling it wrong?

I never knew that I...” Chopper was trailing off.

“Wow wow wow...wait just one second! Hey broad! Yea you! Melody or whatever your name is. Get them out of that freakish illusion already!” Zoro stumbled over his words in the shock of seeing his two nakama acting so strangely, it was unnerving to say the least.

- Avatar
I'm not sure what's worse, the fact that Chopper's seemingly willing to go along with it or the fact that Melody's manipulating them both into doing what they're about to do.

“Wha?” Melody questioned slowly and then glared back at Zoro. “You want me to -help- the likes of you?! I think not.”

- clobberpuppy
This was her cunning plan. They'd be driven blind by this horrible sight so that she'd be able to pick them off easily.

- Avatar
It's sure as hell working on me. Sweet embrace of oblivion, here I come.

Zoro let out an exasperated sigh. “Hey, we’re not your enemies. Melody...Captain Wrath was just using you. You deserve better than that. You’re a powerful and beautiful woman. Don’t sell yourself short just because you’re a woman...

- Alys Brangwin
What does selling herself short have to do with this situation at all?

a girl I knew...she taught me that there’s really no difference in strengths at all when it comes to men and women. What it all boils down to is the strength one has inside.

- clobberpuppy
"Genetics? Bah, junk science!"

So what’s it going to be Melody. Are you going to continue to allow yourself to be controlled by this evil bastard or at least make your own decisions. Fight us if you chose too, but not because you’re made to.”


“How did you...?” Melody looked back at Zoro with wide eyes.


“Your hesitation in battle...what is it that Wrath promised you Melody? How is he manipulating you like this?” Zoro questioned.


“He...promised to bring them back...my love and my sister.” Melody revealed hanging her head in shame.

- Spoony Spoonicus
"You brought us back to life? Why? How?"
"I regretted killing you, so I made a deal to bring you back to life by killing a bunch of OTHER innocent people. Oh yeah, and I've also murdered countless others along the way to keep myself beautiful. So, are we square?"
"Uh..."

“No one can bring back the dead, Melody.” Zoro revealed to her in a soft voice. “Not even someone as powerful as Captain Wrath. He was lying to you.”

- Avatar
"Especially not now, since he just killed the guy who could do it for him."

“No! He couldn’t! He wouldn’t!” Melody looked over at Wrath her eyes questioning, begging for an explanation.


Captain Wrath simply smiled at her,

- Spoony Spoonicus
Pretty amazing that they can tell this, considering he's wearing a mask.

“Good underlings are so hard to find these days.” Was all he said.

- Spoony Spoonicus
I guarantee everyone reading this story right now has watched at least one cartoon with this exact line. It's one of the biggest cliches in all of fiction.
- Sturm
Who the hell calls their subordinates "underlings" anyway? Are you TRYING to sound like a bad cliche?

...Silly question. OF COURSE YOU ARE.

“You bastard!” Melody cried standing up. “You used me! How dare you! You used my pain and my past against me. But no more. Song Song break!” Melody bellowed as she raised her flute to her lips and a high pitched sound was emitted from her flute. It was so high-pitched everyone was forced to cover their ears.


“Huh?” Ussop and Chopper were staring around them in confusion as the illusion they had been trapped in was broken. They both looked at each other before they burst out laughing.

- Avatar
If I were them, I'd probably take the Oedipus route and burn my own eyes out as self-punishment.


“I don’t even want to know.” Zoro sighed before offering a small smile at Melody which caused her to blush.

- Miles Edgeworth
'Let's wrap this chapter up by pairing everyone off. Preferably with the first psychopath they meet."

Luffy was smiling too he should have known he could count on his nakama. Then he heard Vivi’s voice...

- Avatar
Wha? She's still here?

“Nami...snap out of it...” Vivi was trying to get Nami to respond to her but she seemed lost to the world. “Nami it’s alright now...Bloodlust is dead.” Vivi said before throwing her arms around Nami’s unresponsive body and sobbing into the girl’s orange-hair. Everything was just too much for Vivi to handle, and she could tell her friend felt so too.


Now, the entirety of the Straw Hat Pirates were standing between Shanks and Captain Wrath as Ussop and Chopper joined Sanji and Zoro. Wrath seemed undaunted however almost uninterested. He looked over to Vivi and Nami, his eyes resting on Nami and staying there. ‘The key...she is my priority now.’ “Captain Sloth!” Came Wrath’s order.

“Yes Master.” All eyes turned to Ace in shock. Ace, was one of the Seven Deadly Pirate Kings. Which also meant that he was their enemy. Ace slowly went to Wrath’s side.

- Spoony Spoonicus
I hardly think narcolepsy qualifies as "sloth." It's not exactly voluntary.

- clobberpuppy
Ah, to be young. When we all gave each other neat code names like "Shadowhand" and "Blade" and terrorized girls by throwing crab apples at them.

- Avatar
Except here they're throwing around rape and tearing peoples' arms off.

- clobberpuppy
Ironic that they're still no more mature than we were!

“I want you to take care of these meddlesome fools. I have more important business to attend too.” Captain Wrath revealed as he left Ace and began to walk towards Vivi and Nami.

- Franziska von Karma
You foolish fools and your foolish disregard for my non-foolish business of ridding this foolish world of foolish fools.

Vivi cowered in fear as Wrath approached them, her grip tightening around Nami.


Luffy clenched his fists as he saw Wrath approaching the girls. He had to do something. But yet again he found himself powerless. ‘Damn it! What’s wrong with me?!’ Luffy shouted within his mind as he tried to fight the invisible bonds that were holding him back.


“Release the girl.” Wrath ordered Vivi.


Vivi was too afraid to respond so only shook her head from side to side adamantly.


“Fair enough.” Captain Wrath said as he simply lifted both of the girls into his arms. They offered him no resistance as he began to walk to the center of the room. Luffy had never noticed before but there was a circular pattern carved into the stone floor there.

- Spoony Spoonicus
You know, when you reveal these things at the last possible second it just makes you sound like you're making up new story elements on the fly. Granted, you've been doing that for the last sixteen chapters, but it's really starting to get ridiculous now.

Wrath approached it and placed his hand on a raised stone next to the circle that glowed as it read his hand print. Suddenly the design that was etched on the floor began to glow as blue-tinged energy filled the indents in the floor. All of a sudden a blue light filled the circle and then filled the circular space entirely until the light reached from the floor towards the ceiling.


Wrath was already stepping into the light.


“No!” Luffy cried out as he willed his legs to move forward.

- Left Leg
Alright, fine! Goddammit!

- Right Leg
This better be worth it, asshole!

The other Straw Hat Pirates were moving also. Ace quickly rushed to block their path. “I cannot allow you to pass.”

- Left Leg
You prick.

- Right Leg
What did I just say?

Zoro looked back at Ace in disbelief. “He’s going to take Nami and Vivi! Don’t you care!?”

- vinic
"Not when I got rubber dick over here!"

But it was already too late. As Captain Wrath stepped into the light he began to disappear. Luffy barely made it in time as he too lunged into the blue light and vanished along with them.


ooo

- Godot
The victim in this case is the author's dignity. Its body was found in the box springs in room B of the Sage Motel with three bullet wounds in the chest.

to be continued...

 

 

- Chuck the Plant
It has come to our attention that many unfortunate souls have stumbled upon this story while searching for One Piece fan fiction (or One Piece hentai). All we can say is that we apologize for assaulting your eyes with this abomination.

As for those who came here searching for this specific story, all we can ask is "what the fuck is wrong with you"?

- Spoony Spoonicus
Well, we're finally escaped the horrible blood-soaked sex scenes, but we're by no means out of the woods yet.

It probably goes without saying, but by this point the plot of the story is a total train wreck. A train wreck that just keeps growing in size as more and more trains leave the factory, get sent on their test runs down the same tracks and smash headlong into the growing wreckage, its flying shrapnel and burning remains endlessly expanding even as they engulf entire cities in their wake. It's madness on a continental scale, and it will only end once the author finally gets bored of it and flips the factory's kill switch to "off". Which, unfortunately for us, won't be for about another 150 kilobytes. This will require copious amounts of alcohol and the iron will of ten Bruce Willises to survive. Ready yourselves as well as you are able.

Ah yes, we skipped 15 as well. Check Chapter 14's rawks to get caught up.

Finally, I should also note that our author has added Vivi and Chopper for no apparent reason. Robin's still presumed dead, though.


Disclaimer: I do not own One Piece.


AN: Warning this fic is rated M, for Mature.


Chapter 16: Pulling back the veil to lost places and memories...

- clobberpuppy
And being stoned to death for indecent exposure!

Four days later...


24 hours until Shanks scheduled execution...


“Zoro! Luffy! Furl the sails! We don’t want to be blown off course!” Nami ordered. “Ussop turn the rudder hard to port. Sanji! Chopper! Make sure everything is tied down. Vivi check below deck for any damage. There! It’s like we’re being guided!”


“Guided!” Chopper cried in disbelief as he was tightening the line attached around the pots which held Nami’s mini orange trees.

- Avatar
I prefer the rebar stakes with a bit of rope around the base, but whatever works for you.

“Nami-swaannn is so wise!” Sanji beamed at her as he assisted Chopper.


“LET’S GO! TO ATLANTIS!!!” Luffy cried from the crow’s nest he had just hopped up to.

- clobberpuppy
Let's not and say we did.


The Going Merry was currently getting sucked into a whirl pool but from the expression upon the ship’s navigator’s face it would appear to be on purpose. “It’s just as the Eternal Log Pose reveals -

- Spoony Spoonicus
It's just "Eternal Pose", actually.

Atlantis is just at the bottom of this whirl pool.” Nami was saying to herself as she once again checked the Log Pose to make sure that the compass was still pointing straight down.

“B-b-bottom of the ocean she means!” Ussop moaned as he had to use both hands to keep the ship’s rudder under control. “We’re all going to die!”


“Who’s this ship’s navigator guys?!” Nami questioned with a twinkle in her eyes.


“Nammiiii-swannnn!” Sanji replied gleefully.

- Spoony Spoonicus
I've said it before, but it bears repeating. Sanji is nowhere near this obsessive or annoying.

“Then trust me! We’ll get there in one piece guys!” Nami grinned.

- Sturm
No pun intended, I hope.

- clobberpuppy
Especially since One Piece is apparently the afterlife!

The ocean’s spray hit Nami’s face as the bow of the ship hit with the waves inside the whirl pool but other than that it was almost easy to navigate. Nami still felt like they were being guided...she could feel this pull...this tug...that had nothing to do with the whirl pool seemingly sucking their ship down. It was more like a calling...she knew deep down this was how to get to the lost island of Atlantis.

- Miles Edgeworth
Because she's Angsty Sue, magically equipped with any information necessary to advance the plot.

Nami looked over to see that Hawkeyes was sitting calmly on deck simply watching the crew as they struggled to follow Nami’s commands with just the few of them. She clenched her fists in anger at the nerve of his actions. He could have at least offered his assistance but noooo

- Spoony Spoonicus
Can we please lay off the Valley Girl speak for a while?

he as too good to help the likes of them. She wondered for the 100th time why they were letting him come along with them at all. I mean, now that they knew Shank’s location they didn’t really need him anymore. But unfortunately Nami felt she’d end up having to deal with him a while longer. All she knew was that she didn’t trust him and would be keeping an eye on him...


Then there was Luffy...was it just her or did it seem like Luffy was avoiding her? That couldn’t be right...there would be no reason unless...had Hawkeyes already told Luffy about her past?! A frown formed on her face at the thought. No, he couldn’t have found the time to tell anyone as of yet but when he did...Nami sighed. She shook her head, she didn’t want to have to think about that just yet. Nami looked up at Luffy who was smiling up in the crow’s nest seemingly carefree. Boys. Nami thought exasperated. Here she was worrying all the time and he seemed to have nothing to worry about. She hated being apart from him for too long she found, she cared for him so much, no, she had to admit she loved him...and that scared her a lot sometimes.


She wondered how the rest of the crew would take the news. She would have to tell them all eventually especially Zoro and Sanji...they would take the news that hardest she knew.

- Spoony Spoonicus
Did you forget that Zoro seems to already know this?

Even as she looked at the quiet swordsman and the womanizing cook she had doubts about telling them at all. Did she really have to? Did she really have to choose? Couldn’t she just have all of them? Nami stifled a giggle at the thought. That would be impossible. To cause her nakama as less pain as possible

- Alys Brangwin
Try "little."

the truth would have to be revealed sooner or later, sooner being better than later.


They were nearing the end of the whirl pool now. It looked like they were about to hit the bottom of the ocean floor when...


DARKNESS.

- SOUND FX
This is a disgrace! DARKNESS is a sight, not a sound effect!

“Ugh...” Nami opened her eyes and looked around. Everyone else was sprawled on the deck unconscious from whatever it was that had happened. She put a hand to her head, she had a splitting headache. She heard someone clear their throat. She turned to see that Hawkeyes had also regained consciousness. Nami stuck her tongue out at him before going over to Luffy and shaking him awake...Mihawk’s eyes never leaving her.

- Miles Edgeworth
The unwavering stare - the sign of an imminent showdown.

- Spoony Spoonicus
More predictable than clockwork, this story.

- Miles Edgeworth
I was referring to the Ace Attorney games, but that works too.

“Mmmm Nami?” Luffy questioned when he awoke. He looked around and noticed everyone was unconscious. “What happened? Did we make it?”


“Oh, I think so.” Nami smiled at him.


Luffy blinked back at her confusedly before looking above them...


“WOW!!!!!!” Luffy exclaimed jumping to his feet and succeeding in awakening everyone else.

- Dudley
"EVERYBODY GOT WASTED! HAHA! AWESOME! TOTALLY AWESOME!"
"Our best party yet! Haha! Who's that guy in the Musketeer suit?"

- Spoony Spoonicus
At least he didn't shriek out one of the dozen Japanese words that have been beaten to death by this point.

The Going Merry was slowly making it was down a gigantic glass-enclosed tunnel. The tunnel was underwater and through the glass Luffy could see many different fish and sea creatures swimming past. Oddly enough within this tunnel they were able to breath although they were quite sure that if the glass broke their air would escape, the water would fill the tunnel quickly, and they would all drown.

- Dio Brando
At least you think positively.

The tunnel could be seen connecting ahead with other tunnels which lead to gigantic domes. Within these domes bright shining lights could be seen, an obvious sign of intelligent life.

- Sturm
As far as intelligence goes in this story, anyway.

- clobberpuppy
"They can't possibly be as dumb as us!"

Within the tunnel was a stream, which they were now riding on, it seemed to have a current which was carrying them towards the series of domes. There was no wind now since they were under water and Nami was glad for the current. A feeling of nostalgia came over Nami as they approached the domed city. It all seemed oddly familiar not at all so surprising as it seemed for the others. Had she perhaps been there before? Naw, Nami dismissed the idea that would have been impossible...


“It’s so beautiful.” Came Vivi’s voice as she came to stand next to Luffy and Nami. “Who would have thought that an entire kingdom would exist beneath the Grand Line! I wonder what their government system is? Do they have a King and Queen? Oh the possibilities!” Vivi positively glowed. She loved everything that had to do with governments and social structures.

- Spoony Spoonicus
News to me.

She looked at Luffy out of the corner of her eye and smiled. Yes, she still loved everything that had to do with being a princess. But there had been something missing from her day to day life once Crocodile had been defeated and peace had been restored to her kingdom. And when she finally realized what, or should one say, whom, she had been missing - it came as no small surprise.


She had missed Monkey D. Luffy.

- Alys Brangwin
At least she's not chasing Nami's tail too.

She had sent them a message by seagull to inform the Straw Hat Pirates that she would be joining the crew again to participate in their adventures among other things once again. What she hadn’t told them is why. Sure, she didn’t really -need- a reason to join up with old friends again. But she did have a reason. Vivi had joined up with them in the hopes of somehow convincing Luffy to come back to Arabasta with her, where they could be married making them the new King and Queen of the sandy kingdom.

- Commander Ladd
Seeing as how he's a wanted criminal with a 100 million bounty on his head and they had to leave without a word to avoid the World Government bringing down the law on all of Alabasta, that probably wouldn't go over very well.

But what she hadn’t expected was this new sort of tension that had developed between Luffy and Nami...something was definitely up. Vivi wondered whether she still had a chance and doubted that she should have even bothered coming at all.

- Sturm
When SorceryGeniusLina is at the helm, you're better off being uninvolved.

I mean, if Nami wanted Luffy well, he seemed really attached to her, there’d be no contest.


Vivi sighed, but she WAS a princess. Maybe she shouldn’t give up this battle for Luffy’s heart so easily. What was that saying again - All is fair in love and war. She smiled. Yes, she still had a chance yet. When there was a will there was a way.


Sanji was looking intently at all of the different fishes that were swimming past them...a blue-fin...a yellow-fin...a purple fin...a spotted long-nose...there was just no end to them. There were fish here from East Blue, West Blue...North Blue...and even South Blue. Sanji’s mouth fell open. Could it be?


All Blue...


Nami noticed the odd expression on Sanji’s face and felt concern for him wash over her. “Sanji are you alright?” And when he didn’t respond that got her even more worried. “Sanji-kun?!”


“Huh? Oh, Nami-san you won’t believe but...I think this is All Blue.” Sanji admitted as he continued to watch the several different types of fish swimming past the glass.


“All Blue...do you really think so?” Nami questioned equally amazed. She had thought All Blue was only a legend but then again she hadn’t expected the lost island of Atlantis to be hidden below the Grand Line and let alone...by the looks of things still inhabited.

- clobberpuppy
I hadn't expected it to even be on the same planet!

“Sanji you’ll have to cook us something good with all the different kinds of fish we manage to find.” Luffy beamed at him.


“Aye Aye Captn’!” Sanji smiled back.

- Spoony Spoonicus
"We found the All Blue!"
"Nobody cares, let's go."

As they neared the end of the tunnel just as they were about to cross into a domed area Nami saw that it looked like there was a strange translucent wall in front of them.


“Nami-san?” Sanji questioned worriedly.


“No...I feel like it’s ok.” Nami said not thinking.


“Huh? You feel?” Zoro quirked an eyebrow at her.


“I mean, I’m pretty sure we’ll be able to pass right through it.” Nami blushed. What was with her lately?

- Miles Edgeworth
I have a strong feeling I know where this is going. And I don't like it already.

Soon enough the Going Merry was passing through the translucent barrier and into the domed area beyond. They could see things much clearer on this side and all gasped at the new sights that awaited them. Within the gigantic glass dome an entire city was enclosed. It was a bustling city with many people walking along the streets and entering stores and whatnot. Even though they seemed to have some modern technology they were dressed in white robes reminiscent of ancient Greece.

- Spoony Spoonicus
Yet another locale that does not exist in One Piece's world.

The buildings were also more like ancient structures than modern ones.


The people too when Nami and the others got a better glance at them didn’t appear to be entirely human. Their ears were slightly pointed - elvish.

- clobberpuppy
Holy shit, they're all like Evil Luffy! Run!

Some had what seemed to be scales on their arms or legs. They wore shells about their necks and some of the women had shells braided into their hair. Two women, who wore veils across their faces, approached them swinging their hips in a suggestive fashion that promptly got Sanji’s attention. Sanji was about to shower the girls with compliments while confessing his undying love when Nami grabbed his ear from behind stopping him in mid-leap.


The two girls bowed in Hawkeyes’ direction. “We have been expecting you.” One of them shot a look at the Straw Hat Pirates before giving Hawkeyes her full attention again.

- Miles Edgeworth
Yet another showdown ahead.

“Your quarters have all be prepared as well as for your guests.”

- Dudley
Welcome to Atlantis Arcade and Amusement. We hope you have fun!

Nami raised an eyebrow at this. “These two woman know you, Mihawk?”


“Why yes, they are old acquaintances of mine.” Hawkeyes smiled calmly. He offered Nami his arm, “Shall we.” She promptly refused and followed after the two women on her own.


The Straw Hat pirates were led to a grand building with two large front doors. One of the veiled women walked up to the door and a small hole opened up, a piece of the door swinging aside, an eye peering out. She leaned in and whispered something, Nami strained her ears to hear what it was, but didn’t catch whatever the code word had been.

- clobberpuppy
New England clam chowder.

The doors then swung open and the Straw Hat pirates were led inside. Down a shadowy hallway that sent shivers down Nami’s spine...their was an odd familiarity about this place...

- Spoony Spoonicus
GEE, DO YOU GUYS THINK THIS PLACE'S ODD FAMILIARITY IS IMPORTANT TO THE PLOT? BECAUSE SHE'S SURE BEING SUBTLE ABOUT IT!

And then to the doors which lead into a great reception hall.


“You are the honored guests of our Lord.” One of the veiled beauties was saying as she moved to open the door. The other woman mimicking her movements to move to the other side so both sides of the door would swing open simultaneously.

- clobberpuppy
Synchronized swimming is not a sport. Synchronized door opening, however, is!

“You must meet him first and then we shall take you to your quarters so that you can rest and be refreshed.”


Mihawk smirked as the doors swung opened to reveal a darkened room. Nami hesitated before Hawkeyes offered his assistance for her again and refusing it she made her way quickly inside. She peered around trying to see through the darkness. Zoro coming up beside her placing himself between her and Hawkeyes. Luffy and Vivi entered the hall next followed by Ussop and Chopper.

- Dio Brando
There's no need to go into so much detail when absolutely nothing important is happening.

Suddenly a glowing hand could be seen waving dismissively at a corner of the room which was promptly illuminated as several candles became lit with bright orange-red flames. The flames continued to spread to candles all about the room and soon the great hall was illumed in the warm glow of candle light.

- Dudley
This is now a Master Hand/Magus crossover fanfiction.

- Sturm
At least she's copying material from something decent for a change.

Lastly, the light came to fall upon the figure that was seated before them on a throne on a raised dais. Nami gasped as the figure before her slowly raised his head, his piercing red eyes boring through her. It was none other than-


Captain Bloodlust.


There he was in all his deadly glory intact although Nami’s eyes looked down at his arms...which were no longer his own but a shimmery shadowy substance in the shape of arms and hands. He must have found some magical means to replace the arms he had lost to Dark Luffy during that battle that seemed to have happened so long ago.

- Commander Ladd
No automail or similar derivative?

- Sturm
There's already enough Inuyasha. Let's leave further terrible anime out of the equation.

His platinum blonde hair cascaded down his back, gleaming off of his dark robes, his black bat-like wings were outstretched behind him making him seem more menacing, and yet at the same time he looked like some sort of fallen angel turned into a demon.

- Spoony Spoonicus
He'd rehearsed this dramatic entrance for months and there was no way he'd let the loss of his arms set him back!

The two veiled women walked up to stand on either side of Bloodlust and wrapped their arms around his neck coquettishly.


Nami was so focused on Bloodlust that she failed to notice that her friends were preoccupied with something else. Seeing that their eyes were all riveted upon something she followed their gaze and her mouth dropped open in shock when she saw him. Shanks - the Red-haired Shanks, feared and deadly pirate, known friend of Hawkeyes Mihawk was strung up on a large wooden cross.

- Avatar
Crucifixion. Our Clumsy Christianity Cliche scavenger hunt is complete!

- Dio Brando
Crucifixion, Demonic Posession, Seven Deadly Sins themed villains, visit to Hell.... Yep, we've found them all.

- Joseph Joestar
Too bad the only prize is more of this bullshit!

He was completely bare before them except for a loin cloth that hung around his hips. And across his broad chest were gleaming red welts that were still dripping with blood, fresh blood. Shanks had been whipped and by the looks of his current condition he had been tortured as well.

- Sturm
Isn't whipping torture by definition?

“SHANKS!!!” Luffy cried running towards his childhood friend, mentor, role model, and so much more.


Nami couldn’t believe what was going on. Why was this happening? Hawkeyes had told them Shanks was here but then why....Hawkeyes! Name quickly turned to look at him and saw a broad smile on his face,

- Dudley
NAME? Was this story assembled by a program that randomly smashes together plot points and the user fills in character names via form?

- Alpha Communicator
NAME: Nami
JOB: Slut
LIKES: characterslot2
DISLIKES: characterslot17

she had never seen such a smile on his face before, it was cruel, menacing, psychotic, and pleased all at the same time. This was his doing. He had lead them into this trap because...


“Captain Envy, well done.” Came Captain Bloodlust’s drawling voice as he beckoned Hawkeyes forward with a shadowy finger.


He was one of the Seven Deadly Pirate Kings.

- Loudass Frat Boy
More like one of the Seven Deadly Ass-Pirates!

- Commander Ladd
Guess he got tired of being a Warlord of the Sea and went looking for a new gig.

- Spoony Spoonicus
"One Pirate King Envy Wanted. Two years experience as Angsty Sue tormenter required. Experience as one-shot villain in 80s cartoons a plus. Apply at Cannibal Island on the Grand Line."

Nami suddenly had a bad feeling and turning her attention back to Luffy who was making his way towards Shanks saw something...something was moving under him.


“Luffy! LOOK OUT!!!” Nami cried as she began to run towards him as well.


Luffy turned back to look at Nami but it was too late. From underneath the floor a giant cage suddenly sprang up around Luffy encasing him.

- clobberpuppy
The villains have sprung another ACME-brand trap!

- SOUND FX
(Sproi-oi-oing, dynamite exploding)

Luffy however was undaunted. “Gomu Gomu no...uhhhhhhhh.” Luffy moaned as he sank to his knees. “What’s wrong with me?”


“Luffy?!” Nami spun around to face Hawkeyes who was now standing triumphantly at Bloodlust’s side. “You! What have you done to Luffy? Why are you doing this?!”


Hawkeyes looked back at her with emotionless eyes. “Nami...love, it’s for his own good. He is trapped, you see, within that cage of Sea Stone, where no harm can come to him, nor can he harm others.

- Spoony Spoonicus
I'm pretty sure he can be harmed. Probably more easily now that he can't really fight back.

You see, my master Captain Wrath is the greatest pirate that has ever lived. I am honored to serve him. But also Wrath has promised me something...and for that it makes this all worth it.”


“But what about Shanks!?” Nami cried near hysterical. “He was your -friend-!!!”


“Ah, well yes, that friendship died long ago. You of all people should know...of course perhaps you do not know. I found out all about it Nami. That day that I was to come for you...and found that you were already gone. I thought you had escaped but then I found out that someone had actually bought you your freedom.

- Miles Edgeworth
Oh lord.

Who I wondered would have had the audacity to steal you right from under my very nose! And then I found out...Shanks. Shanks freed you and because of that you were lost to me.

- clobberpuppy
There were plenty of other fifty-berry whores, but she was special!

I never forgave him nor trusted him after that. He knew of my feeling for you...how I desired you by my side and yet he went behind my back to free you! It was the ultimate betrayal.”


Hot tears were now streaming down Nami’s face. This was all her fault...she had come between two such friends as those. Shanks...and Hawkeyes Mihawk.

- Spoony Spoonicus
You HATE Hawkeye, remember? Generally that means you don't give a rat's shit what happens to him.

Shanks had risked everything to gain her her freedom. She remembered that day very well...


Flashback...
- SOUND FX



Shanks lazily draped his arm across Nami bringing her closer to him. She did not resist but allowed herself to be pulled closer to him. Shanks...he was a different sort of man than she was used to having to pleasure. Shanks...she always felt safe in his arms for some reason, protected, warm, safe. He was the sort of man who didn’t just take pleasure for himself but tried to return some of that pleasure as well.


Shanks...was the only man she had ever pleasured that had stayed the night.


This had made a grand impression on Nami since she thought that maybe just maybe what they had shared wasn’t so meaningless.

- Sturm
Forgive me if this doesn't exactly excuse the fact that he's fucking someone who's a third his god damned age.
- Joseph Joestar
...

Shanks instinctively knew that Nami was a caged bird, that this life that she had unwittingly been thrown into was not of her choosing. That she was a prisoner of her own mistakes. He pitied her and for that decided to help her.


“Nami...this life of yours is a lie.” He told her one night as they lay together after a passionate session of love making.


Instead of denying it Nami replied. “How did you know?”


“You hate me...and love me a little bit don’t you? I can see it in your fiery eyes, defiance, defeat, love, hate. It’s all there Nami...in your eyes. Enough of this, Nami. You’re much too good for this life. Leave this place-”


“I can’t!” Nami cried out suddenly. “The man who owns this place is a subordinate of Arlong...if Arlong finds out I have run away before playing off the debt I’ve come to owe this merman I’ll...he’ll kill me and then Cocoyashi village will never see freedom.”

- Alys Brangwin
He whored her out and was still going to have her bear his child? That is revolting.

- Avatar
First he tries to breed with someone of another race (TWO other races if you consider the gene splicing), and then his child will be inflicted with all sorts of horrible venereal disease even if it somehow worked. So much for the Arlong family.

“How much is the debt?” Shanks asked raising an eyebrow.


“30,000,000 beli.” Nami sighed hanging her head.

- Avatar
You know, if I were trying to earn 100 million to free my village, I'd probably try my hardest to avoid racking up MORE debt.

- Sturm
Jesus, 30 million? Did she rent every slut in the house nightly for three years straight or something?

- Spoony Spoonicus
We're never going to find out what she did, so there's another gaping plot hole.

“I’ve only been able to earn about 10,000 beli so far but that’s not counting the money I’m putting aside to free my village.”

- Alys Brangwin
Only 10,000? This must be the cheapest whorehouse on the planet.

- Commander Ladd
Two of the world's most powerful pirates are impeccably cheap. And probably wracked with syphillis.

“A trifle amount really,” Shanks flashed her a wide grin. Their was this twinkle in his eyes that made Nami suddenly suspicious.


“What are you up to Shanks?” She asked guardedly.


“As a pirate I happen to have WAY more than 30,000,000 worth of treasure. Tell you what I’ll pay your debt to his merman on one condition.”


Nami could hardly believe her ears. “Really? You don’t really mean it!”


“Wait, little lady, you haven’t even heard my condition yet.” Shanks laughed heartily.


“Name it! Whatever it is name it!” Nami exclaimed placing both of her hands on his bare shoulders and shaking him.


“Promise me you will never live this sort of life again...” Shanks trailed off.


“You mean never to whore for money again?” Nami asked.

- vinic
Well, there goes my joke.

Shanks looked into her eyes and Nami stared back. Nami nodded and Shanks let out a breath he hadn’t known he’d been holding in relief.


End of Flashback...
- SOUND FX


- Avatar
So uh, if you have all that money why not just pay off Arlong while you're at it? Or better yet, just kill the fucker and solve two problems in one stroke?

Shanks raised his head weakly when he heard the name - Nami. He stared at her across the room not believing his eyes. The young girl he had once loved and freed was now here before him, a young woman.

- Dio Brando
As a pedophile, his chance for more fun was now ruined.

Luffy was watching the exchange with confused eyes. Shanks had freed Nami? From what?


“Luffy are you alright?” Vivi had quickly come to Luffy’s side and was kneeling before him just outside of the cage.


“I’m fine Nami...I mean Vivi.” Luffy quickly corrected. Luffy failed to see the hurt look on the princess’ face as Luffy returned his attention back to the conversation that Nami and Hawkeyes were having.


“But Shanks...was your friend. He was only trying to do the right thing.” Nami defended.

- Alys Brangwin
You don't reason with pigs. You castrate them with a well-placed Slasher.

“THE RIGHT THING?! BY BETRAYING ME AND SETTING YOU FREE SO I COULD NEVER FIND YOU! DAMN HIM TO HELL!” Hawkeyes bellowed and Nami flinched at the harshness in his tone. “Shanks would already be dead right now if it wasn’t for Wrath’s orders. Shanks execution will be in 60 minutes when Captain Wrath shall arrive and do the honors himself!”


“What do you mean?” Came Luffy’s weak voice. All eyes turned to him. “What do you mean by Shanks freeing Nami?”


A malicious smile formed on Captain Envy’s lips. “Well, you see, boy, your friend Nami here was a-”


“You BLOODY BASTARD!” Came Zoro’s voice.

- clobberpuppy
"Bleedin' wanker, even!"

He was leaping in the air all three of his swords drawn coming down upon Hawkeyes. Hawkeyes had his own sword drawn in the blink of an eye, pulling it from the scabbard on his back, slashing forward to meet Zoro’s oncoming swords. Nami shut her eyes not wanting to see when Hawkeyes’ sword would slash through Zoro’s sword leaving him defenseless to only then be cut in half...


But then something unexpected happened.


The sound of steel clashing upon steel rang through the great hall.


Nami opened her eyes and was shocked to see that the two combatant’s swords had met and that Zoro and Hawkeyes were in a deadlock. Hawkeyes looked just as surprised as Nami did. “It seems you have grown my boy...but we shall see who truly deserves the title of the Greatest Swordsman in the World!”


“My thoughts exactly.” Zoro smirked as he leapt backwards and prepared to get into a fighting stance.


Bloodlust was watching the scene with a bored expression on his face.

- clobberpuppy
I know how he feels!

Nami looked over at him in apprehension wondering when he would make his move. Ussop, Chopper, and Sanji had finally gotten out of their stupor and were making their way towards Luffy in hopes of freeing him and lending their aid to Vivi who was already bashing the Sea Stone cage with her wire-weapon repeatedly over and over again but not so much as making a scratch upon the cage.

- Avatar
What's a little blade on a piece of wire going to do to a STONE CAGE? Get a hammer or something, you dumb broad!

- Spoony Spoonicus
It wouldn't do any more damage, but at least she'd look like less of an imbecile.

- MacGuyver
What little you fools know.

Suddenly, the two veiled women flew into action. They seemed to be calling upon some sort of unknown power as they nearly flew through the air towards them. One of the veiled women landed in front of Sanji and quickly lashed out with her clawed hands at him.


Sanji gracefully dodged her attacks before reaching out and grasping the veil she wore. The veil flew away as the woman leapt backwards to distance herself from Sanji.


Sanji’s eyes widened in disbelief. “Talika? But how-”


The other woman who was approaching Ussop and Chopper removed her veil as well to reveal -


“MELODY?!” Ussop exclaimed. Chopper looking equally surprised just so he didn’t feel left out.

- Spoony Spoonicus
Author's no fan of Chopper either, it seems.

- Dio Brando
Why are these idiots still around? It was a major step forward to be rid of them.

- Sturm
The author was ESPECIALLY proud of those characters. Or just ran out of ideas, I can't tell which.

- Miles Edgeworth
That assumes she had any to begin with.

- Avatar
So wait, he could have revived the guy who turns bones into weapons or the ghost that nearly killed both Luffy AND Nami, but instead he just brought back some forgettable fourth-rate villain who was no threat to anybody? What the fuck?

“How is it you ask that we are alive?” Talika mocked with venom in her voice. “After you killed us it was Captain Bloodlust who saved us. He brought us back from the brink of death and back into the land of the living.”


“He turned you into a vampyre?” Sanji questioned in shock.


“Correct. And I won’t take for granted this second lease on life to get my revenge!” Talika cried as she rushed forward attacking Sanji once more.

- Joseph Joestar
If anyone, your grudge should be with LUFFY.
...Ah fuck it, nothing in this story makes sense anymore.

“You pathetic fools! You will pay for what you have done to me!” Melody cried as she pulled out a flute from the inside of the billowy robes she wore. “I may have forgotten to mention I have eaten of the Song Song Fruit, and so have Devil’s fruit’s powers. The power to manipulate sound, create illusion, and to do this. Song Song Wave attack!”

- Sturm
And so we solve another mystery in the most rushed, slipshod way imaginable.

- Avatar
Why is she trying to kill them anyway? She apologized for everything she did just before she died, remember?

Melody raised her flute to her lips and suddenly a rush of air went past Ussop and Chopper.


“Oh no!” Chopper exclaimed when his animal instincts tingled and he felt the oncoming attack without having to see it. “Ussoppe!”

- Miles Edgeworth
Is she ever going to spell that right?

Chopper quickly transformed into his deer form and grabbing Ussop between his teeth jumped out of the way of Melody’s attack. The attack went rushing past right where they had been only seconds before, where it flew backwards and caused a statue that was behind them to shatter into several pieces.


Vivi was making pained sounds as her futile efforts to free Luffy continued. “Uh! Uh! Uh!” Her wire-weapon came down upon the Sea Stone cage again. Vivi sank to her knees in defeat. “I can’t...I can’t free you....I’m so sorry Luffy.”


“Vivi...” Luffy looked back at her with softened eyes. “Don’t worry about it. I’m sure our nakama will find a way.”


Nami took one last look at Bloodlust before running towards where Luffy was imprisoned. She had to help him! She pulled out her Clima Tact weapon and quickly transformed it into its bo form. She leapt up into the air planning to bring her Clima Tact down hard upon the Sea Stone.

- Spoony Spoonicus
You just watched the Alabasta arc, remember? Remember how seastone is stronger than diamond?

Instead of coming in contact with the cage however she found that Captain Bloodlust was standing before her with his shadow hands on either side of her Clima Tact stopping her. “Let go you bastard!” Name yelled as she tried to yank her Clima Tact free from his vise like grip.


“But of course, my dear.” Bloodlust laughed as he let go of Nami’s weapon.


It caught Nami off guard and she was sent flying backwards. She quickly pushed herself up off the floor and stood to face Bloodlust once more. She wasted no time in transforming her Clima Tact into its T-shaped form. She pointed her weapon at Bloodlust before saying, “Cyclone tempo!” The X-shaped part of her weapon

- Miles Edgeworth
Wasn't it in a T-shape? Make up your mind!

flew through the air towards Bloodlust and was approaching him head on. However, he simply used one of his shadow hands to deflect the attack.


The attack was sent hurtling upwards where it surprisingly went through a sky-light.

- clobberpuppy
A screen door on a submarine is a bad idea, but a skylight in a sunken city might be worse!

Nami looked up, having failed to notice the glass dome before. But she quickly had to shut her eyes as the glass shattered and came down around them. She waited for the other half of her weapon to return to her before attacking Bloodlust once more.


“I admire your courage but your strength against mine is laughable.” Bloodlust told her giving her a pitying look.


“Shut up and let me kill you!” Nami screamed as she lunged at Bloodlust.

- Avatar
"I'm obviously not capable of it myself!"

“Silly girl,”

- clobberpuppy
Trix are for kids!

- Spoony Spoonicus
I would have gone with a Dexter's Laboratory joke, but that works.

Bloodlust simply shook his head as he grabbed onto Nami’s Clima Tact with on of his Shadow Hands.


“Damn it! Let go!” Name said

- Miles Edgeworth
Now she's even getting Nami's name wrong. I'm stunned.

while yanking at her weapon.


“Not this time.”

- clobberpuppy
"I can only give it back once! Sorry, company policy."

Bloodlust frowned at her as he began to gather a shimmering white energy into his Shadow Hand. It glowed, a myriad of black and white before Nami’s Clima Tact began to melt...


Nami’s eyes widened in sheer horror...her weapon...her only chance at survival...

- Dudley
Couldn't pick up local channels on Bloodlust's television arms.

Was gone.

- Megido
Did you keep that dagger?

Of course you didn't. That would have been the smart thing to do.

The blue metal formed a pile of melted goo upon the floor. Bloodlust ignored it as he stepped into it

- Spoony Spoonicus
And screamed in pain, since he had just stepped into molten steel.

and walked towards her.

Name took a step back.

- Alys Brangwin
That's three times now.

- Spoony Spoonicus
Her disdain for the source material shines strongest here.

What was she to do?

- Megido
Run, Nami. Run from this fanfic and never return.

ooo

- David Letterman
Oh-oh-OH!

to be continued...


Stay tuned for next time: Zoro and Hawkeyes will decide who gets the title for the Greatest Swordsman in the World, Vivi will continue to try and free Luffy while Ussop and Chopper face Melody and the deadly powers of the Song Song Fruit. What will Sanji do fighting against Talika? Will he finally have to put his gentlemanly ways aside?

- Spoony Spoonicus
Let's avoid ruining any more characters if at all possible.

And what will Nami do in her fight against Bloodlust now that her Clima Tact weapon has been destroyed?!

- Miles Edgeworth
She's Nami Sue, she can pull any Deus ex Machina she wants out of her ass. Or her cleavage, in this case.

And who will free Shanks before Wrath appears and executes him?

- clobberpuppy
Tune in next time. Same bat time, same bat channel!