Dungeons, caverns and ruins you have read about so far, dear adventurer, for the most part have gained their names from something totally unrelated to what you should actually expect when you get there. This, however, is Butt Swamp. That's all we're going to say about that, other than paying a visit to Bulge Castle may be a good idea before taking on any quest you have within. The "ruins" part comes from the popular theory that Butt Swamp might have actually at one point not been deserving of the name Butt Swamp, and was actually a fairly plain and standard swamp with standard swamp wildlife.

Rest assured, the wildlife is still there, dear adventurer. Only they've changed and evolved to cope with living in a place named Butt Swamp. For example the alligators you will find have much smoother skin than your normal gator, and they have a familiar brown shade to them. Some will even have yellow specks. The mosquitos, instead of sucking your blood, will actually inject you with the swamp's water in a vain attempt to get rid of it all. The rats are just friggin' huge, I mean, look the hell out for them.

Scattered throughout the swamp are various airlock chambers that will be vital in your attempt to travel through the disgusting, murky waters. Remember when entering the swamp to ask the attendant at the toll booth if any airlock chambers need new air compressor pumps, filters, or other various parts to keep them running. If so, he will give you a package with a number on it corresponding to the airlock in need of repairs, and detailed instructions on how to repair the chamber. Trust us, dear adventurer, even if you're not good with repairs, you will be really damn quick.

You may be asking yourself, "What kind of idiot would ever go to Butt Swamp?" and the answer is of course YOU, dear adventurer. For various unfortunate reasons, Butt Swamp is the only route between New North Olovania and the Republic of the St. Louis Blues that isn't a 100 percent chance of dying in very gruesome ways. Once you arrive on the other side of the swamp, you will be required to stay for 2 weeks in a quarantine shack, naked, shaved, and hosed off twice a day to remove all the skin cells that may have had the poor fortune to soak up whatever the hell's wrong with that goddamned swamp. Ugghh.